Guardian Angel of Trouble Twins
by DianaMoth
Summary: Reincarnating as a crow was nicer than you would think... until the Trouble Twins found the summoning scroll for the Karasu. Then they grew on her and she had to save their lives. How annoying. They better gave her lots of almonds or she'll elope with the ninken summoner! - Uchiha Massacre Fix-it
1. Chapter 1

_I wrote this a few months ago but didn't have the will to continue. I reread it recently and thought that it deserved to be published instead of staying in my drabbles, because this is quite funny and original. I hope you'll agree!_

 _A detail: I'm french and this isn't beta-ed. Sorry for any mistakes. Don't hesitate to send me a nice review with a correction._

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Reincarnation was nice. Reincarnating as a crow was nicer than you would think. Especially when we were talking about the Karasu summons, beings able to talk and use ninjutsu, living in a very nice and green place where food was in easy reach and no-one bothered them.

For years, I thought I had lucked out at the afterlife lottery. Can you, little human beings, imagine a life without the stress of school and work? What a nice life that would be, uh? Yeah. Just in case that ever happens to you, newsflash: there's always a catch.

My name – my name as a Karasu – was Tsukiyo. I forgot most of my past life, including my past name, and I wasn't sad about it. It was already quite confusing to know that this was my second life, I didn't need to dwell on what I lost. The Karasu's mentality helped a lot to put things into perspective. Things were just… simpler here.

For years, I lived and learned on Ichouki, the sacred ginkgo tree, blissfully appreciating this easy life. I knew of the world around us, I knew about the shinobi and I guessed that this was a place very similar to the world of Naruto (what was 'Naruto' anyway? I wondered for days before remembering that it was one of those stories I read about, just like the one with the magic school castle or the one with the elves and the evil ring. I tried to remember those stories; they were more entertaining than the mundane life I had lived previously). I had no interest in discovering the world further. None whatsoever.

The world had others ideas.

It might have been my fault, at least a little, but I had never considered that being known as the smartest crow after our leader, Yatagarasu, could be a bad thing. Why should I hide my capacities? Why holding back my thirst for knowledge? It didn't seem to matter at the time. But I'll tell you why: because humans were annoying, that's why!

For most of my life, the Karasu's summoning scroll had been considered lost. Some of the elders thought that it was a waste, that a connection with the shinobi world was important for the status of our kind. The Crows used to be important in the summoning hierarchy, but now it was all about the Toads, the Snakes and the Snails, blablabla… Who care? Peace was more important than reputation, in my opinion.

One day, the unexpected happened. The news spread like wildfire: we had a summoner! Who's it? Who's it? The crowd asked. An Uchiha from Konoha, the proud summon first called announced proudly. And guess what? There would be another one too if the Elder allowed it!

I mentally prayed for the Elder to say no, but that was wishful thinking. Of course the Elder said yes to Uchiha Shisui and his best friend Uchiha Itachi. They were intelligent, resourceful, and they supported each other, all traits that the Karasu approved of. Then there were the rumors about their playfulness: Shisui was a joker, while Itachi was more subtle, teasing and sarcastic. Playfulness was also greatly appreciated by our species. They would have reverse-summoned themselves to the Karasu instead of finding the long lost scroll that it wouldn't have been surprising.

I am not ashamed to admit that I sulked for several weeks. I didn't want to have anything to do with those humans. I remembered enough of their story to know that they were trouble waiting to happen. Hell, if I remembered it right, they had the gall to use one of us to implant a Sharingan! That's creepy! Those were the Trouble Twins, marked my words, I used to grumble when the subject was mentioned. Apparently, my fellow Karasu thought this was so hilarious that the name stuck. Note to myself: you better kept your thoughts to yourself, your peers were the worst gossips.

So, I was minding my own business – sulking – when _it_ happened, the thing that I dreaded: the summoning. Let it be said that being summoned sucked: you didn't have the luxury to say "oh, I'm a little busy right now, try again later", no, it was just a brief feeling of warning and then woosh, that weird sensation of being squashed into space and vlam, rough landing. I was jumping from one branch to another, okay? Of course I was going to crash if you put some ground where there was supposed to be air!

I rubbed my beak with my wing and glared at the little crow laughing at me. The runt quieted down quickly, jumped on the other shoulder of his summoner – short hair so probably Shisui – to be as far away from me as possible and cleared his throat to explain: "They asked for the smartest of us, so I gave them your name." He thought I would be flattered.

I cawed back at him surly.

He turned his beak up. "Well, that's just rude."

I could feel the curious gazes of the humans on me, but I wasn't interested in them. I hopped around and inspected the surroundings. It looked like a training ground. There was no-one around except for the two Uchiha so this couldn't be a fight emergency. Good because I would have bailed on them if it was. The nice thing about summoning was that even if you couldn't resist it, you could leave anytime afterward. You weren't supposed to of course, unless you had been dismissed by your summoner or you had a good reason, because contracts and all that jazz. Some crows would have been disapproving, but I was relatively high on the hierarchy and not combat-oriented so I could have gotten away with it.

"Hello." The long haired one stepped in front of me and crouched, offering his hand. "I'm Uchiha Itachi and this is Shisui."

I stared at them for a few seconds, enough to deduce that they were prepubescent. I would say eleven for Itachi, thirteen or fourteen for Shisui. That meant they weren't going to kill their clan anytime soon. Great. Not my problem then. I hopped farther to inspect some berries. Were they blackberries? There weren't any like these near Ichouki, I wanted some! But there were thorns. Not nice.

"Here." Itachi carefully took some berries from the bush and offered them to me. Of course the kid was nice and patient… Ah, damn. Pff, resistance was futile, I guessed. I ate the berries – mh, yummy! – and hopped on his forearm. "I never met any crow with eyes like yours," he noted as he walked back to Shisui.

"She's the only one with eyes like the moon!" The little sneak agreed. I finally managed to remember his name: Higarasu, one of the many grandkids of the Elder.

"Well, I guess the name makes sense then, grey eyes and black feathers with a blue hue… Moonlit night, uh? That's a pretty name," Shisui noted with a smile.

I sighed and shook my wings. "Flattery will get you nowhere." I glanced at the bushes and added: "Bribery, however, I might condone. What do you need me for?"

That's one of the reasons I didn't want to explore the world: I had a weakness for discovering and trying new food. If I started, I would end up disappointed by Ichouki's abundant but limited choices.

"Well… we mostly wanted to meet the one calling us Trouble Twins," Shisui explained cheekily.

I immediately turned my attention on Higarasu and _glared_.

"It's not me!" He shouted quickly. "It's not me! I swear! I didn't tell them!"

"Another crow told us that the smartest lady crow called us that way," Itachi explained.

"Great, so you just gave them my name, idiot. As long as they didn't know my name, I could have had some peace and quiet," I grumbled. They could only summon specific crows based on names or special abilities; I had made sure to check that detail with the elders.

"Aww, you don't like us, Tsukiyo-chan?" The infuriating Shisui pouted.

"It's in your nickname: you're trouble. I don't like trouble. I like peace."

"How do you know that we're trouble?" Itachi asked curiously and calmly. "We never met before."

I hopped on his shoulder and settled down. "I just knew."

"How?" Shisui insisted.

"Look, you might be our summoners, but I don't trust you yet."

"That's understandable," Itachi accepted without a blink. "I look forward to working with you, Tsukiyo-san."

That sounded foreboding to me, and _it_ _was_ because, for reasons unknown, I ended up being Itachi's go-to crow. Just my luck.

oOo

I had a doubt (the story's chronology was a bit fuzzy in my head, and I wasn't totally sure that it was only because I forgot things), but Itachi was already in ANBU indeed.

The next time he summoned me, I was proud to succeed my entrance and doubly so when I noticed who was around: ANBU everywhere, and oh, look at that, grey hair and a pug, hello Kakashi and Pakkun. I kinda liked them a lot so go me for not embarrassing myself on our first meeting!

It was the middle of the night (they were lucky that I liked watching the moon more than I liked to sleep, I wouldn't have been an happy crow otherwise). There were six ANBU that I could sense, hidden in the trees around a mansion. No pleasantries tonight then, there was some work to do. Urgh, goodbye peace.

Itachi held out his hand to show three almonds. Oooh, almonds! There were no almonds at Ichouki. Sweet almonds, I missed you so much. Fine, since he had such good tastes, I wasn't going to embarrass the kid in front of his coworkers by whining too much. I shook my wings in a pleased manner as I savored the nuts and looked up to show that I was ready to listen.

"I need you to do some recon, Tsukiyo-san. We're looking for the master of the house. He's always changing his room so we don't know in which one he is. Find him, his exact position, the number of bodyguards watching over him and any other information that you can collect."

"Don't you need to describe the target to it?" asked a bird mask.

"Please," I said, offended, "like it's hard to find the most obnoxious human in the place. And I'm a she. If you're going to wear that mask, do it with a little more respect, will you?" I took flight without a glance back, barely hearing Kakashi as he noted:

"Your summon has some cheek, Yasu."

Damn right. I knew humans: they thought they were the brightest species; they had to be taught better. Wait a second... Yasu? That was Itachi's code name in Anbu? " _Calm_ "? Ah! Not bad. I wondered who had chosen it.

Anyway, this recon work was new for me, but I was determined to ace it, at least to shut the bird mask guy up. Being quiet and discrete wasn't hard, it was how I flied and lived every day. Finding the master of the house was a little trickier, no matter what I said, mostly because this mansion was _huge_. Eavesdropping ended up being my best option. After that, I kept watch until I was sure to have localized every bodyguard by chakra sense (one of my specialties).

Then I had to find Itachi again, using mostly my chakra sense since I didn't have a great night vision. I nearly crashed in a branch as it was before Itachi caught me.

"Don't ever call me during a moonless night, okay? Like, ever. Crows are not nocturnal, kid."

"Noted," Itachi replied before offering me two more almonds, probably to apologize, even if I was pretty sure that he already knew it and that he only summoned me because the sky was clear and the moon full. Urgh, I was getting fond of him, that was _bad_.

I reported dutifully, informing them that their target was awake and busy doing the naughty with some male company. I got two other almonds in return and savored them gleefully while they conferred about their plan.

I was asked to transmit a signal between two teams which seemed fine by me, that couldn't be very dangerous. I perched on the tip of a rooftop and watched for the glint of the sword I was told about before cawing twice. That might have been suspicious considering that my kind was supposed to sleep at this hour, but I wasn't expecting all those hired muscles to know much about birds' habits, and rightly so. I didn't see anything of the fighting or murdering, but I heard enough. Urgh, shinobi… Thank every kami that I wasn't reincarnated as one of them.

After a few minutes (that was surprisingly quick but, well, super-secret ninjas assassins, you knew…), Itachi appeared below and raised his arm in a silent invitation for me. I flew down, perched on his forearm and accepted two more almonds. I was going to be too fat to fly at this rate, but I didn't care.

"Thank you for your help, Tsukiyo-san, you may go," he murmured.

I was ready to do so when I noticed the drops of blood on his mask. It hid his face, but he was still small, too small to be a killer. Eleven and an assassin, when he was a pacifist at heart, this was heart-breaking. I didn't know how he managed to stay sane. On a whim, I hopped on his shoulder and put a wing around his head before patting it gently. Mh… hugging was definitely harder in bird form. That was embarrassing. Ignoring his puzzled glance, I reverse-summoned myself.

oOo

Sometime later, I was summoned in daylight but most importantly in the fucking middle of a battle.

"Don't panic," Itachi told me, "we're hidden by a genjutsu."

Well, that was reassuring, but only because he was supposed to be a genius at them so he better not disappoint. "Fight is _not_ my specialty," I felt obliged to remind him nonetheless.

"That's not what I need. We're in a trap that can only be deactivated from the outside, I need you to do it."

"Oh. Ok, that's easy." I eagerly took flight, getting away from flying kunai and shuriken in a hurry. Now, remember when I said I should stop talking sometimes? That instance was a good example. _Easy_ was definitely not how I would have described it in retrospect.

The ANBU team was trapped in a canyon, the stone walls being death traps and the two entries being sealed shut. I only managed to get away by flying high and for that I had to dodge more weapons than I would have like to ever meet in all of my lives. When I finally got out, it was to find that the enemies – missing-nins apparently, very organized missing-nins might I add – had left a guard near the seal. I had to draw him out, drop a _very_ heavy stone on his head from high enough that he fell unconscious, and _then_ I used my beak to free the paper seal from a boulder, taking a small chakra shock in passing when I accidentally touched the ink. Once it was finally done, I cawed loudly to signal Itachi and ended up announcing my position to enemies in the process.

Before a katana could slice me in half, I was swept away on a shoulder by an ANBU with silver hair as he killed the bad guy in two moves. I held on and made myself as inconspicuous as possible while the group of ANBU fled the death trap, taking refuge in a forest after five minutes of running.

At a silent signal, they stopped on the branches of an oak. I huddled against my savior's face. "You're now my favorite human ever."

That seemed to break the tense mood as several of them chuckled, Hatake Kakashi included. He carefully stroked the top of my head with a finger. Yep, definitely my favorite. "I was just returning the favor," he said. "Thanks for getting us out of here. Yasu, good call on summoning her."

My little summoner, perched a branch away and a little lower, nodded and held out his arm. I flew to it and greedily accepted my reward, savoring it as they talked about their mission. I kinda shut them out, more preoccupied by almonds than by missing-nins working together.

"Tsukiyo-san," Itachi called.

Mouth full, I looked up and made some noise in answer.

"Can you carry a message to Hokage-sama?"

I swallowed and asked warily: "How far are we?" My inner GPS said "very far" and "home is north-east, summoner's home is south-east". The Karasu GPS was infallible but not very precise at long distance.

"We should be there in two days."

So basically a day for me since I wouldn't be able to fly all night. Great. "You owe me so much food," I grumbled.

"Ask Shisui if you see him at home," Itachi offered, but I could sense a little annoyance in his tone. Ah, so he wasn't imperturbable!

I patted him on the head with my wing. "Don't pout. You're my favorite summoner, alright? And the Silver Head has a preference for dogs, I won't go and fly away in the sunset with him."

There were some more chuckles as Itachi shook his head (in embarrassment? Hard to tell with this mask).

"I'm sure that Pakkun would love you," Kakashi replied as he finished his message and rolled up the small scroll.

"Wolves are good friends. I suppose dogs could be nice too," I pondered.

Itachi tied the scroll to my leg then poked me between the eyes. "Stop fooling around."

"Whatever you say, favorite summoner of mine," I chirped before taking flight.

I had mixed feelings about playing messenger. On one hand: peace and flight, two of my favorite things. On the other hand: having something tied to me was messing up my habits and it was annoying. I nearly got caught and eaten by a hawk because of it! Stupid hawk and stupid scroll...

I was quite pleased with my rapidity since I arrived at Konoha the following morning, a few hours before what I had planned. I went to the Hokage tower and took a few seconds to identify the right office before landing on the windowsill. I tapped on the glass, attracting the attention of a tall man with pineapple hair. That was Nara Shikaku, the jounin commander, if I wasn't mistaken. I liked Nara: they were my kind of _not troublesome_ people. Too bad they weren't the ones who had found our summoning scroll.

Shikaku opened the window for me. I greeted him politely: "Hello. I have a message for the Hokage from Yasu." I had no idea if there was some kind of protocol for those things, in doubt politeness and brevity couldn't hurt.

The commander offered me his forearm and removed the scroll tied to me before holding it to the Hokage without a word.

"Mh. I see. Thank you for your diligence, Karasu-san," the Hokage said after reading it.

I took it for the dismissal it was but replied before immediately unsummoning myself: "You're welcome Hokage-sama. May I say? I love your hat, but that smoke can't be good for you."

I never liked the smoking smell, sue me.

oOo

"Yatagarasu-sama?"

Our Elder had three legs, but in truth he didn't use them much. He was far too old to move without help. He lived on the top of the sacred ginkgo tree. It was an exercise in flight and balance to visit him. It was however quite worth it considering that his mind was still as sharp as ever.

"Ah, Tsukiyo-chan, come, child, and tell me what troubles you today."

Let's be honest, no-one, not even his own grandchildren, came to bother him with as many questions as I did. I always had a great fondness for him, ever since I asked him, when I was only a fledgling barely knowing how to fly, if he believed in reincarnation. "Of course, my dear," he replied to me without hesitation, "your grandmother was one in fact, and she told me a lot about living under the seas. Isn't it a fascinating idea? That you can explore the underwater world in one life and the airs in another? Fascinating, truly. So I suppose you're one too, uh? You certainly have the sharp mind to be one. Tell me all about it." My grandmother was a dolphin in her past life. Could you believe it? That's _awesome_! I wanted to be a dolphin in my next life, if I had one. Ah, it was too bad that my grandmother died before my birth, when she was helping one of our early summoners, I would have loved to talk to her.

Anyway, I'm digressing. Back to the problem at hand.

"It's about our summoners, Yatagarasu-sama."

"Aah… The Trouble Twins."

I nearly faceplanted. Did everyone know about that nickname? Apparently, yes. Keep your mouth shut more often, Tsukiyo, you're embarrassing yourself.

"I suppose this has something to do with the book you told me about, the story happening in this world…"

"Yes, Yatagarasu-sama. They're both characters of the book."

"Tell me about them."

I was desperate for advice, so I gladly did. It was hard to make some sense of it, since the Uchiha massacre was a complicated plot that was fragmented in the books as well as in my mind. Nonetheless, the Elder followed and nodded his head in understanding.

"I see why this troubles you. Two paths are upon you: either you let it happen as you think it will or you intervene. What does your heart tell you?"

I squirmed. That was the problem: I was getting fond of those boys. "To do what I can to help them."

"Then do so." Before I could protest and explain my doubts, he added: "You can't change the past nor can you predict the future, even with the knowledge you have. The only thing you can act on is the present. Here and now, would you rather wait and worry or would you help? That is the only question deserving answer. What will come as consequences of your actions will be dealt with as they come. The Karasu will help you on this path if it's the one you chose."

Well, seen from this angle… how could I let the lives of my summoners go to hell?

oOo

Let it be said that changing the world as a summon wasn't easy. With my fuzzy memory, I had only been able to remember some of the events, and I had no idea when they will happen.

By now, Itachi was twelve and Shisui fifteen. I knew those details because some of the crows were way too much emotionally invested in the life of our summoners. They liked to chatter about playing with Itachi's brother too, which made me very glad that Itachi had enough sense to not call me for that. He only summoned me for important things (because I'm an important crow! right, fine, no preening), which I always thought was great but didn't play in my favor right now.

I had two options: acting all by myself, in which case I had to wait to be summoned in Konoha and given some leeway; or talking with the Trouble Twins, in which case I had to wait to be summoned in non-urgent and non-hostile conditions which basically meant in Konoha. As time passed by without offering any opportunity, I had to provoke one.

Itachi had summoned me for recon once again (without bragging, I was becoming great at it) for an Anbu mission. I didn't know what they were doing in Sand, but that wasn't my business. This place had way too little trees for my taste. Not enough shadows, too hot, nothing interesting to eat... Zero stars, do not recommend. The only interest of this mission was meeting Kakashi's biggest dog, Bull, who let me rest in his shadow, between his paws.

"I take note: ninken are a good alternative to wolves," I announced very seriously as Kakashi stroke my back. I could get used to this.

My favorite summoner sighed. "Please don't spoil her, taichou."

"Maa, don't be jealous, Yasu-kun," Kakashi replied playfully, although he let Itachi take me back. Messing with the summons of others was bad form after all.

Before I unsummoned myself, my job being done, I rubbed my head against Itachi's hand and said: "Tell Shisui I need to talk to him urgently."

In my basic chronology, Shisui was the one in immediate danger. I didn't know when but I knew that he would be the first to die, and that his death would be dramatic for Itachi and any hope to prevent the Uchiha Massacre.

For several days, I waited expectantly until I became quite impatient and frazzled. This business was bad for my nerves.

"Finally!" I shouted as soon as I appeared in the back of a garden in Konoha.

Crouched in front of me, his forearms on his knees, Shisui stared at me with amusement and a hint of curiosity. "Hello to you too, Tsukiyo-chan."

Behind him, Itachi was leaning against a tree. "I'm sorry Tsukiyo-san, but our schedules didn't match for a while."

"Okay, fine, you're forgiven," I mumbled, dismissing the matter. Shisui was still alive and with both eyes, so everything was fine, I couldn't take it out on them. I had better things to focus on, like how I was going to explain everything to them, since that was the path I was on. I shook my wings.

"You look agitated, Tsukiyo-chan," Shisui noted more seriously. "And it's unusual for you to ask for me. What's going on?"

"Remember when we first met? You asked how I knew that you were trouble…"

"Yes."

"Well… I… know things, like what's happening between your clan and your village, and–" Before I could react, I was lifted from the ground, and we disappeared from the garden to reappear in the middle of the forest several seconds later. Shisui put me down once again.

I took several steps to regain my bearings. "Urgh, I don't like that shunshin business," I mumbled, wings widely spread for balance.

"Are you a seer?" Shisui asked. Itachi, having followed, pinched his lips.

"No, no, nothing so fancy. I just know things about the past and about the future as it's set right now. Let's not waste time on technicalities, alright? Back on track. As I was saying, I know what's going on and what you're planning to do to stop it with those fancy eyes of yours."

Shisui suddenly burst into laughter.

I eyed him carefully. "Did he snap? Is it madness setting in?"

The corner of Itachi's lips rose slightly. "Your casualness toward the Sharingan and especially Shisui's ability is… refreshing."

"Right," I drawled. Humans were weird. "Anyway, stop interrupting me, Trouble Twin number one! I was going to say that you're in danger, you doofus!" I slapped a wing on the top of his head... no, I wish, the only thing I managed to reach was his foot.

All traces of amusement left Itachi's face. "How so?"

"The elder with one eye all bandaged… what's his name again?"

"Shimura Danzou?" Even Shisui stopped laughing at that name.

"Yeah! That!" I pointed at Itachi with the tip of my wing, triumphant at finally having his name! This had bugged me for weeks and impossible to remember it. "Let's call him Cyclops for short!" No need to pollute my brain with this after all. "So, Cyclops wants to steal your eyes, Shisui, before you use them on your clan. He wants them for himself," I announced, glad to have finally say it and warn them. "And if he succeeds…" I hopped from one foot to the other. "Well… nothing good will happen."

"Tsukiyo-chan, we need to know more than that. What did you see… know?"

I sighed and fluttered my wings. "If _your_ plan doesn't succeed then you'll die, Itachi will be pushed to kill your clan, everyone in it, except for his brother. He'll have to flee Konoha and be hated by his brother. That's what will happen if you fail."

A heavy silence lingered in the forest until Shisui chuckled. "No pressure."

"Oh, don't fret. It's easy. Don't let Cyclops anywhere near you, put your clan under that fancy technique of yours, warn the Hokage that Cyclops is after you, let the Hokage handle Cyclops, bask in peace and a happy life forever and ever. There, easy peasy." I had thought about this a lot, alright?

Because Shisui lived to contradict me, he announced: "I have a meeting with him tomorrow."

"What?! Then don't go!"

"He's an elder, Tsukiyo-chan, you don't just _ignore_ an elder."

I glared at him in vexation. "You're so much trouble, number one. A life supply of almonds isn't worth so much trouble."

oOo

Despite my best efforts, I was unable to convince Shisui to stay away from Cyclops until he had brainwashed his clan. Apparently the reunion during which he was planning to do so was in five days, too long to play hide and seek with the leader of Root.

As such, I ended up playing bodyguard. I, a little crow, was the last stand between Cyclops and Shisui's eyes. Oh dear, we were screwed.

Pretending to sleep, curled up in a small ball to minimize any interest in me, I stayed silent and listened carefully during the start of the meeting. It went as I remembered. Cyclops made his move a few minutes after we walked in. Shisui subdued him easily at first. I straightened up and caught sight of Danzou shifting. Knowing that he was getting ready to retaliate by pulling one of his forbidden techniques, I flew at his head, talons first. "Go!" I shouted at Shisui.

Shisui and I had planned this situation. He knew what he had to do. Although the Cyclops' men tried to intercept him, he wasn't known as Shunshin no Shisui for nothing. He was out of here in a flash.

I… was terrified. Let me say it again: little crow me _not_ combat oriented!

Only driven by desperation, I focused with tunnel vision on the idea to do a maximum of damage to buy time for Shisui. It was all a blur of feathers, claws and bloody bandages until pain broke through panic, and I reverse-summoned myself.

I landed roughly on the branch reserved for summons reappearing on the Ichouki, pain increasing tenfold. There were always crows around, ready to ask all sort of questions, to learn things about our summoners and their missions. They saw me appeared, a bloody mess, and burst into motion, calling for a medic. I vaguely remembered them taking out senbon of my wings, careful not to damage anything more than it was.

"Don't remove those in her body before the medic gets here, she might bleed out," one of them said.

"Just patch me up as best as you can," I mumbled, slurring badly, "Shisui is going to summon me again."

"Is he going to bring you to a medic? They have good ones! Itachi brought me to one of his female friends when I broke my wing in training, once. She was really nice, and her ninken were fun," one chattered. I was pretty sure that it was Higarasu, but I couldn't be bothered to check.

"Here. Eat this for the pain and to stop the bleeding!" Several crows who had left in a rush at my arrival dropped leaves and berries in front of me. I wasn't the first one to come back bloody from a summoning, we knew what to do by now. I ate without enjoyment, feeling like hell.

I felt the warning for a summoning and made sure to keep low to the ground to escape any nasty surprise.

"Tsukiyo-chan! Shit! I mean… Sorry, Hokage-sama! I don't know any iryou-ninjutsu."

Apparently, even though I couldn't see anything because opening my eyes took too much effort, the Hokage was somewhere around. Good. Trouble Twin number one had followed the plan. Considering that Itachi was supposed to be on guard duty with Hatake Kakashi and Tenzou during this shift, that was the most secure place where Shisui could be right now. Danzou had failed.

A chuckle shook my small and battered frame which made everything hurt.

A warm hand hovered above me and chakra wrapped around me, easing the pain and making it easier to breathe and function.

"That's as much as I can do," a small voice said, "I'm too unfamiliar with birds' anatomy, she will need a vet." The Anbu who had stepped forward to help me disappeared once again in the shadows.

"Thank you," Shisui whispered before carefully lifting me in his arms.

I was finally able to see the Sandaime behind his desk. He was smoking with a somber expression.

"Tsukiyo-chan, I already explained to the Hokage what happened, could you report what followed my departure?" Shisui asked.

I chuckled again, this time without shrinking in pain. "The Cyclops is blind."

"What?"

"I clawed his face and gouged his eye out." Now that I had time to realize what had happened, I was pretty proud of myself. Well, it was kinda gross, I have to admit, but it was one of the basic Karasu's fight tactics and I had rocked it. They were going to love hearing about it at home! The Cyclops who threatened our summoner had lost his eye to the fury of a crow! Hell yeah! That was definitely the kind of stories we liked.

"You… Are you sure?" Shisui asked, a bit startled.

"Oh yeah, I definitely felt it pop, which was a little disgusting. But, anyway, it's not like he will really stay blind."

"What do you mean?" The Sandaime asked, his thoughts carefully guarded.

"He'll get another one implanted. Like the ones on his arm."

"On his arm?"

I hummed, keeping my eyes closed and my body relaxed. I was going to bluff there because I hadn't really seen it, but it was for a good cause. "Yeah. On his bandaged arm. He has eyes on it. Sharingan eyes. There was something else too, but I didn't get a good look before I had to reverse summon myself." To be honest, I didn't really remember what creepy Cyclops had in store. My memories were too vague. They would have to see it by themselves.

"Hokage-sama," Shisui breathed, turning to his leader, wide-eyed.

"Call in all ANBU," the Hokage ordered, standing up slowly. He put down his hat first before removing his robe. "It seems an intervention in ROOT's affairs is overdue."

When the Hokage put his mind to something, there wasn't much that could stop him. Gone was the old man: here was the veteran, leader of thousands deadly shinobi.

Slowly, I relaxed, comforted by the idea that the Hokage was dealing with it. No matter what came out of it, history had been changed.

"I'm going to sleep for a few days," I mumbled. "Don't get killed, Trouble Twins."

* * *

 _I probably won't continue this. You can pretend that everything was resolved: no more Danzou, no Uchiha massacre, and no Madara either because I can't stand him and his storyline anyway. ^^'_

 _I hope you liked this! For information,_ _Yatagarasu (the elder crow with three legs) is part of the japanese mythology._


	2. Chapter 2

_Since my muse likes to make me lie and all the reviews I received asked me to continue this (I'm glad you liked it, thank you!), here you go!_

* * *

"Stop staring at me like that, Tsukiyo-chan," Shisui whined. "I feel judged!"

"That's probably because _I'm_ judging you," I replied, deadpan. "Can you remind me why I saved your life and consequently spent three weeks in recovery? I just can't seem to remember right now."

"Ouch, that hurts, Tsukiyo-chan, it really does!" The teenager pouted at me before clearing his throat. "What about this?"

For the umpteenth time that day, I had to witness Trouble Twin Number One's attempt to become a girl. His henge was perfect. His posture, gait and mannerisms had improved after the third try. His speech though… was a disgrace to every female being _ever_. "You know what? Just never open your mouth and you'll be fine."

"I can't do that! I'll definitely be introduced to some mundanes!"

Mundanes. This jargon for non-ANBU was hard to get used to.

"Pretend to be mute?" I offered, shaking my wings. It had been entertaining at first but sitting still to watch this dreadful show was getting tiring.

"Kakashi-senpai will never allow it!"

"He obviously set you up to fail anyway. Why did you ever thought that betting against him was a good idea? You're supposed to be smart," I sighed because this was frankly ridiculous and totally Shisui's fault. Just because he was an ANBU captain, like Itachi (her twins were growing up! How exciting! More trouble coming!) and his senpai Copy Ninja Kakashi, he was getting _ideas_.

"It's just _not_ possible that he always wins! I thought I had figured out his trick!"

"Please," I muttered. "That man has such a depressing life that I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't _need_ to cheat at cards. Karma must be balanced somehow."

"ANBU always cheat! … And how do you know about his life?"

"I have weekly meetings with his ninken. We compare notes about our summoners to check which one is worst."

"Seriously?"

I stared and _judged_.

"Right. You 'just know things'. I thought so," Shisui concluded, unbothered by my glare (oops, I might be using it a little too often if he was desensitized). He (well, no, she, he was still transformed into a woman) startled suddenly and looked toward the home's entrance, wide-eyed. "Crap, they are here!"

I felt them. Itachi was escorting Kakashi inside, but they stopped in the hallway to greet Mikoto. It gave us a few seconds more to come up with a solution… but apart from a miracle nothing would make Shisui an acceptable lady in the interval. It seemed I had to save him again, from humiliation this time. I sighed loudly. "Alright, what do I get if I save your hide?"

Shisui looked at me hopefully. "Anything! A life supply of almonds!"

"You already promised me that for saving you from Danzou," I reminded him, yawning exaggeratedly behind my wing.

"A request of your choice! Really, anything!" He offered hurriedly as the two other ANBU captains walked toward them.

"Fine. You owe me," I grumbled. "Change back before you humiliate yourself."

Shisui eagerly complied as Itachi and Kakashi stepped on the patio. I paused to take them in because, damn, they looked good in yukata. Kakashi was in dark grey with blue stripes while Itachi was in black and red. They were depressing but handsome while doing so.

"So, Shisui-kun," Kakashi chirped with a big eye smile. He was still wearing his mask, but his hitai-ate was gone. "Where is my date?"

"Ah, senpai, she's… uh… here?" Shisui stammered, glancing at me desperately as he realized he didn't know the answer.

"Yes," I agreed, "here." I flew off the tree where I was perched and landed on the ground, a few steps away from Shisui.

There was a moment of silence before Kakashi and Itachi both stared at Shisui and _judged_ him silently. This was clearly the trend of the day.

"Maa, while I do not–" Kakashi started.

I didn't listen to him, focused on molding my chakra. This was really tricky but I had mastered it recently (it just took me three years, no big deal). First, I multiplied myself. Cloning was easy. The tricky part was to transform all of my clones in one solid and seamless being.

I reopened my eyes and quickly checked everything in sight. It looked pretty good, if I could say so myself. Quite pleased by my exploit, I smoothed out my midnight blue kimono and its stylized silver clouds and moon. "Ta-da!" I exclaimed happily, raising my arms (real ones, with hands and no feathers!) on my sides.

Looking up, I found Shisui blatantly gaping at me while Itachi blinked in surprise and Kakashi tilted his head. I didn't preen at having surprised them but I wanted to. "Just check I don't have any feathers behind, would you? I used to have so many in the hair." I turned around and looked over my shoulder. "Shisui? Hello?"

"Uh? Ah, right! No, no feathers anywhere I can see…"

"Then I'm good to go!" I clapped my hands happily, feeling unexpectedly excited at the prospect of going to a festival. Maybe I could admit that humans didn't have only flaws after all…

"I didn't know you could do that, Tsukiyo-san," Itachi noted, his poker face back in place.

"It's a new technique! It took me so much work to perfect it. I finally managed it a few weeks ago. After that, everyone at Ichouki wouldn't stop making me use it. For the opposable thumbs, you see. Those are quite useful," I explained, moving my fingers. They were the only reason I had decided to create this technique in the first place. Don't get me wrong: being a crow was awesome, nothing could beat flying; but… hands! opposable thumbs! I missed those! I longed for them since I was a fledgling. It was only when the Trouble Twins started to summon me that this became a real need. I was becoming jealous of their hands. It was so ridiculous that I had to go to Yatagarasu-sama to ask if there was a way, to which he had replied: "For every problem, there is a solution. Only one who knows what she misses can get what she wants." In short, I had to sort it out myself but it could be done… and I had done it!

"How long can you sustain it?" Kakashi asked, curious.

"A few hours. Up to four before I'm unsummoned, I think, as long as you feed me and don't make me do anything straining. This is really chakra intensive."

"Can you take a hit?" Shisui asked, extending a finger to poke me.

"Nope," I replied cheerfully, batting his hand away. "But I make a much better lady than you, don't I?"

"I don't doubt that," Kakashi quiped, arms crossed. When Shisui and Itachi turned to him in perfect synchronization and stared at him warily, he added with a chuckle: "Maa, I'm just saying that's a really good henge, Tsukiyo-chan."

"I know right?" I replied happily. Considering the time I spent looking at a mirror to improve this transformation, I wasn't going to play coy. This human form had black hair, pale skin and grey eyes because that was just obvious but the face had been tricky...

"Any particular reason you look like a mix between Mikoto-san and Yugao-chan?" Kakashi added, obviously knowing the answer, damn him.

I crossed my arms, looked away and mumbled.

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that."

"I said that they're the only references I had!" I had forgotten what a pretty human female looked like, alright?! That was extremely embarrassing and I didn't thought it was so obvious. That was their fault anyway: why did I meet so few women yet? Because the shinobi world was sexist, that's why!

"Wow, I hadn't realized," Shisui breathed, "but you _do_ look like Mikoto-obasan."

I huffed and turned away (I was _not_ pouting). "If that's a problem you can forget it and be Kakashi-san's da–"

"That's not a problem, not at all!" Shisui said quickly. "If anything, you can just say you're family if anyone asks!"

"Did I hear you talk about me?" A soft voice interrupted. Mikoto was standing behind her oldest son, Sasuke stopping by her side in a light blue yukata. "Oh, who is this?"

"It's Tsukiyo-san, mother," Itachi explained, "she's under henge."

"Is that so? Fascinating," the old jounin said with a tilt of her head. "Well done, Tsukiyo-chan."

I beamed at her. Mikoto was just awesome, better than the twins and all their friends troublemakers. "Thank you!"

"I leave Sasuke with you while I change," Mikoto said to her eldest son. "Shisui-kun, you need to hurry too."

"Yes! Absolutely! I have to change! In a yukata! For men!" Shisui agreed hastily before disappearing.

I rolled my eyes, tucked a hand under my chin and wondered with a wicked smirk: "What am I going to ask him in exchange? Something big. Something annoying."

"Aniki, your summon is a bit… scary," Sasuke murmured to his brother.

"Maa, she's just my kind of woman," Kakashi countered.

"Senpai," Itachi sighed, looking up at the grey-haired man. "We entrust her to you. Please, behave."

"Don't I always?" Kakashi replied. The deadpan stare he received in answer didn't bother him, but he chuckled after a few seconds and waved a hand up and down. "Don't worry so much, Itachi-kun. I'll take care of her."

"I can take care of myself just fine," I grumbled, mostly out of principle. I walked to Kakashi when he held out his hand to me.

"Of course Tsukiyo-chan. Now, we should go. We'll see everyone later tonight. Say goodbye."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't push it, Silver Head. I'm no child. If anyone takes care of anyone else here, it's me for the Trouble Twins." I was swept in a shunshin by the end of my sentence and clung to Kakashi's yukata. When we reappeared somewhere in Konoha's streets, I leaned against his chest and whined as he steadied me. "I hate this. Why?"

"I thought we could use some time alone to agree on our story."

"Liar," I mumbled, "your social anxiety just makes you uncomfortable when there is a child around."

"Maa… there is that too," he agreed cheerfully before dropping his act and studying her curiously. "You're truly an exceptional summon, Tsukiyo-chan."

I hummed noncommittally, withdrew from him and patted my bun. "I hope you didn't mess my hair because I have no idea how to do it again. I just willed it that way."

"You look perfect," he assured, although he tucked a few strands behind my ears.

"Alright," I sighed, "what did you want to talk about? And not the part about our story, we just need to pretend that I'm your new girlfriend, that Shisui introduced us because I'm family, that we're going out for the first time and that's basically it. There was something else."

Kakashi hummed and led me through back alleys. After a series of handseals, a wave of chakra wrapped around us; a genjutsu, probably to avoid eavesdropping. "I'm aware you won't betray your summoners' trust, but I was wondering what you thought of the Uchiha? Did Shisui's plan worked?"

"Ah," I muttered, finally understanding what this was about.

Six months ago, ANBU had taken action against Danzo and ROOT. From what I had been told, it had been a right can of worms. It had taken them days to ensure they had everyone then weeks to break all the secrets around the shady organization. Even now, I wasn't sure they had everything in order. I wasn't privy to these things.

Two weeks after Danzo's fall (officially, he had fallen ill), when Shisui finally had a few days of respite, he had used his _Kotoamatsukami_ on Fugaku and the Uchiha's clan members preparing the coup d'etat. It was a cloudy day. I remembered it because it had been the first time I was summoned after being hurt. Itachi had done it for a very tired Shisui. Number One had hugged me for an hour. I hadn't got the heart to protest my use as a teddy bear. Somehow, using his Mangekyou against his own family, even for a pacifist goal, had weighed on him, although I wouldn't be surprised that he had also been fearing failure.

In all likelihood, it had worked. The timing was perfect: without Danzo to be an ass and pour oil on the fire, the Uchiha leaders' anger had slowly subsided, leaving them to hope that if they just prove they were trustworthy everything would be resolved soon. Whatever Shisui had done, the Uchiha had thrown themselves in their police work. Konoha's population had been pleasantly surprised by the change after a time of highly volatile and belligerent police officers.

That's what I heard anyway. All I knew was from hearsay… and a little spying here and there, alright. That's probably why Kakashi wanted my opinion: no-one watched out for a little crow in the Uchiha compound.

"It seems so to me. I heard Mikoto-san the other day, she told her husband that an old lady had complimented her for the good work done by the Police recently. I seriously thought Fugaku-san was going to burst from repressed pride."

Kakashi hummed to show he was listening while he led me through busier streets with a hand on the small of my back. Night was falling and the avenues were lighted by colorful paper lanterns. Friends and families were coming in flocks to enjoy the celebration of Konoha's founding.

"The other day, there was that old man muttering about still being monitored though. You might want to ease up on that. It's give and take, you know. If nothing changes, Shisui's work will be short-lived."

"I'll let the Hokage know."

"Good. Now, buy me food, dear boyfriend!" I demanded, clapping my hands together in joy at the prospect of eating human food.

"What do you want?" Kakashi asked without protest (but somehow I got the impression he would find a way to make Shisui pay the bill).

"Nothing fried," I immediately stated, wrinkling my nose at some smells. In my previous life I might have liked it, but after being used to a crow diet that seemed foul. "Oooh, corn on a stick! Can I have that? Pleaaase?" I dragged him to a stall, not even registering that I had my hand around his forearm, like a good girlfriend.

An hour later, I had finished my treat (while Kakashi had barely eaten half of his) and was looking for my next one, when Itachi and Shisui finally joined us. We had met Yamato and Yugao sometime ago and they weren't probably far, but since we were supposed to be on a date, we were mostly walking around together. This way, we had covered some ground and already met several of Kakashi's acquaintances, including Kurenai who didn't even try to pretend that she wasn't _very_ pleasantly surprised. There was no doubt that everyone around would know that Hatake Kakashi was on a date by the end of the evening (which was the goal so good job to us!). As we walked away, I had heard Kakashi mumbled a "at least Gai is abroad."

"Tsukiyo-chan! How is Kakashi-senpai treating you?" Shisui asked, putting an arm around my shoulders.

"He bought me food," I replied very seriously, showing him the stick. "But now I'm finished. Buy me something!"

Shisui immediately let go of me and visibly sweat-dropped.

"Good idea," Itachi agreed, not letting his cousin protest. "Please, go buy us dango, Shisui."

"Oh for… You already had some Itachi! I swear, how don't you have rotten teeth yet?" Shisui grumbled but went to do our bidding nonetheless.

Curiously, I watched as Itachi and Kakashi exchanged handsigns. The Trouble Twins had taught me some, for field use, but they were simple orders. I didn't know enough to follow an entire conversation (it's not like I could reply in my original form anyway: no hands… but wings! to fly!), especially when it was so fast and discreet.

Kakashi lazily put an arm around my shoulders and squeezed me against his side before leaning down to kiss my hair. It was just a way for him to whisper in my ear: "We're being followed, as planned. We're going to split and you'll go in the park. We won't be far."

Oh yeah, didn't I tell you? I was the bait! How exciting! To be kidnapped and all that jazz... "Fine, but I want my dango first. I never tried it before, Itachi guards all his treats jealously." For good measure, I raised my chin and dropped a kiss on Kakashi's covered cheek. "Please, honey?"

"Maa, of course, anything for you sweetheart."

Weren't we cute? And then he shamefully let me go to my death… with dango. I forgave him because dango were good. A little bit stodgy but good. Unfortunately, I was kidnapped before I could finish it. I'm sure Itachi was appropriately outraged for this waste of dango. Personally, I was a little busy playing the helpless girl. I didn't know if it was a good thing that they hadn't knocked me out or not (if they had, I'd have gone "poof"). I was just paralyzed and thrown on the shoulder of some guy as we jumped over the roofs.

When we stopped in a clearing, I felt the ANBU surrounding us. I was put on my feet, a knife to my throat, pressing against my skin. It went deep enough to cut so, of course, I went "poof".

oOo

A week later, I was summoned for one of Itachi's mission as ANBU captain. As we waited for his underlings' signal, I rested on his shoulder and asked: "By the way, my kidnapper last time, did you get him like you wanted to?"

"Yes. He was one of the last agents of… Cyclops, that we know of." He paused to check on his team before adding: "Your boyfriend greatly complimented your work."

"Of course he did, I'm the most low-maintenance girlfriend he could hope for."

"He also mentioned how familiar with human customs you are." Itachi was staring at me. With his mask in the way, it was easy to ignore him. The creepy factor had long ago worn out on me.

"I'm just that good."

"One of those things you know?"

"Precisely."

"It caught the Hokage's attention. He remembered you were the one to warn us about Cyclops."

Oops?

"He requested to speak with you."

"And you agreed."

"Unless you can give me a good reason not to, I will. However, whether you reply to him or not is up to you considering that the contract protects the secrets of your kind."

I snapped my beak and flapped my wings as I thought it through. Did I want to speak to the Hokage? I had changed the Uchiha's fate and I knew a lot more that could affect the world. But should I? It was more trouble than I liked and it wasn't my business… except that anything impacting Konoha would have repercussions on the Trouble Twins, and I'd inevitably be summoned in the middle of it.

Now that I had helped with Cyclops (Did I mention that I was very proud that his nickname stuck? Granted, Itachi was only using it for the sake of discretion but still!), how could I stop there? I had stepped into a dangerous spiral.

My musings were interrupted by the signal we were waiting for. I took off and used the distraction created by the ANBU to perform my own mission: pilfering a scroll. I was becoming a good thief, a real magpie.

After performing my role flawlessly (yes, I was preening), I enjoyed some petting and asked: "Bargaining with the Hokage, is it a big no-no?"

Itachi's team stared at me like I had blasphemed but Itachi, following my train of thought without trouble, replied without missing a beat: "Bargains are commonplace between different parties."

"I'll talk to him."

oOo

"I know more than you could ever guess and less than you could hope for."

As an introduction, I thought it was pretty good. It definitely summed up my knowledge quite well.

The Hokage seemed to approve. He put his hat away and exhaled a cloud of smoke. "Anything you'd like to share with us would be greatly appreciated, Tsukiyo-san."

I spread my wings to secure my balance on my perch, a chair's back, as I uneasily clawed the wood. I was right in front of the Hokage with Shisui and Itachi at my back, on each side. Officially, that was it, although Kakashi was probably on watch somewhere around with his team.

"It all depends of the price you'll give me in exchange."

"Of course," the Hokage said, unperturbed by the idea of bargaining with a crow. "What do you wish for?"

"Well, personally, a life supply of almonds is good enough for me and I already got that. However, now I have to make sure that the Trouble Twins don't die early and renege on our deal, you see," I explained very seriously, ignoring Shisui as he cleared his throat in a foolish and embarrassed attempt to make me shut up.

"Of course," the Hokage agreed, clearly indulging me and hiding his amusement.

"So, I want your word that they'll be able to leave the ANBU corps at anytime of their choosing without delay and repercussions."

The Sandaime tilted his head curiously. "Agreed."

"In Itachi's case, the end of his service will happen at the latest the day before his fifteenth birthday."

"Tsukiyo-san..." Itachi tried to protest.

"Shut up, Trouble Twin number two. Three years of service is enough. You know I'm right. You'll go back to being a regular jounin, and then you'll become the best jounin sensei ever seen since the Sandaime, end of story." There was a heavy silence for a few seconds before I deigned to look back at him. "Am I wrong?" I knew I wasn't. There wasn't a better role for Itachi than jounin sensei. When he wasn't stressed or overworked, he was an excellent teacher for his little brother and he liked it.

Itachi stared at me silently before replying: "I do not pretend to be able to emulate Sandaime-sama."

I sighed and shook my wings. "Fine. The Yondaime will do. Details. Back on track. That's for Number Two. Number One is a little crazier," (I ignored his little cry of protestation) "so he'll resign when he wants to. I'll just harass him into resigning if need be."

To the Uchiha's surprise, the Hokage chuckled as he played with his pipe. "It's good to see you take care of your summoners, Tsukiyo-san. I agree with your request for Itachi's retirement."

"Good. Well, that's all I wanted, so I guess it's my turn to give you something... Here's what I know about Orochimaru, his minions and his plans…"

oOo

"I can't remember why I thought getting summons was great. They just embarrass you every chance they get," Shisui grumbled, arms crossed while leaning against a tree, purposely away from me. He was pouting.

I ignored him, content to cuddle against Itachi's cheek, who had accepted my masterful plan gracefully and was feeding me almonds in between some petting.

"They say it's their privilege, so that we don't become big-headed," Kakashi explained as he suddenly appeared, a few seconds after his favorite ninken. We were waiting for him to inform us of a meeting with the Intelligence Division. The Hokage had stopped me mid-way through when I had started to give him a list of (mangled) names; apparently experts were needed to make sense of all the data I had to offer. "Get used to it."

"Damn right." Pakkun and I said at the same time, immediately smirking at each other.

Being a summon was great. I got away with so much more than if I was a mere kunoichi thanks to the contracts, and I had to deal with so much less pressure, especially considering my summoners had to be present with me for official meetings and the Trouble Twins had a reputation behind which I could hide.

Reincarnating was cool.

* * *

 _The end._

 _No, really! XD I don't think I'll add anything more because this rounded out everything I wanted to do with this OC (the transforming in a human part is what got me inspired, I hope you liked it!). I might however reuse this character in others stories if it's appropriate because she's fun and I love summons with some personality._


	3. Bonus: Alternate Version

_Yes, yes, I know. I said I wouldn't write anything more for this fic. Well, it's not a sequel. This is just an Alternate Version of what could have happened. It stayed in my drafts for months. It would take too much effort to finish it. I rediscovered it today and thought that with a decent ending I could add it as a bonus for those who might be interested, since this story seems to be liked.  
_

 ** _IMPORTANT: This doesn't take into account Chapter 2 and the end of Chapter 1. This is what would happen if Tsukiyo had failed to help the Trouble Twins and Danzou had succeeded like in canon. It's an Alternate Version, a "what if", in which Shisui died and Itachi joined Akatsuki._**

* * *

It took months for Itachi to summon me after The Hellish Night.

I spent most of this time brooding and beating myself up for being unable to prevent Shisui's death and the Uchiha Massacre. This was exactly what I was fearing when the Trouble Twins signed the contract: I had become involved, I cared for them, and yet I had failed to protect them, to help them, despite knowing what they were going to go through.

I was moping.

Yatagarasu-sama didn't approve. The Elder was wise and friendly, but he wasn't the type to coddle endlessly. If he felt like anyone needed an attitude adjustment, he was perfectly happy to lecture and admonish.

"The past can't be changed, no matter how many times you try to reinvent it in your overworked little brain. You failed. We lost a summoner. But we still have one and he needs us more than ever. He needs _your_ guidance more than ever. Stop moping. Make sure that you're ready to do whatever is necessary for him. _Do better._ "

Two simple words for a challenge which was anything but simple.

Two words who haunted me every second, echoing in my thoughts again and again as I trained and trained.

Itachi was going to summon me, sooner or later. I was the most intelligent Karasu. I was his favorite. He might be moping too, but sooner or later he would need me, and I would be ready to do better.

That's what I was repeating to myself every day to stave off my worry for Trouble Twin number two. I knew he was fine because he had summoned several other Karasu but, as days passed, I became rather annoyed with him for ignoring me for so long.

As such, when he summoned me and I didn't sense any immediate danger, my first words to him after all that time was a very rude: "Fucking finally! It took you long enough!" I looked up from the stone where I was perched and stared at him in his Akatsuki gear from top to bottom. "I don't know what to think about that new fashion statement... Give it a few years and you'll probably look dashing, once you get rid of those dark rings under your eyes. You need to sleep more. Do you at least eat properly?"

After two seconds of silence, Itachi calmly replied: "Good morning to you too, Tsukiyo-san."

"Argh! Damn you, number two! Stop making me feel like a fool! Do you know how much I was worried, uh? Do you?! I was so fucking worried, that's how much!" I shouted, pointing the tip of my wing at him. "So answer the question! Did you eat today?"

"Not yet."

"Do I need to hunt you something?"

"No. I have some rice balls."

"Good, then eat." When he didn't move, I insisted. " _Now_ , where I can see you."

After a few long seconds during which I was half-convinced he was going to ignore me, he sighed and retrieved the food from some inner pockets in that fancy Akatsuki cloak. When he sat down, he finally was at my eye level.

He didn't look good. It wasn't exactly a surprise, but right now it reminded me that he was barely fourteen. Fourteen, alone and traumatized. This was so messed up. It made me angry and worried and even more of a mother hen.

He was probably humoring me to get some peace, but I didn't care. I knew that all the other Karasu obeyed Itachi respectfully and wouldn't even think about ordering him around. Akatsuki couldn't be trusted about taking care of him. So if mother hen I had to be then I'd be the most terrifying mother hen of them all; just watch!

"Listen, Itachi. I know it's hard. Frankly, I wouldn't like to be in your shoes because this is just a fucking mess, but here is the thing: you're not alone in this, okay? I'm here. I know everything, and I understand what you're going through. I have your back. So don't ever pull that stunt again where you stop summoning me, alright? You better summon me _at least_ once a week unless you're chakra exhausted or else I'll just be even more overbearing the rest of the time because the worry is driving me _crazy_ , okay?"

Itachi had stopped eating in the middle of my little speech. He blinked slowly.

"Okay?" I repeated, fidgeting.

"Yes," he whispered.

"Good, good." I nodded then sighed: "So much trouble."

Itachi finished his meal, subdued. I couldn't bear it anymore. I hopped down on the ground and focused on my new jutsu. When I opened my eyes, I had a perfect view on Itachi's surprised expression (a barely there widening of his eyes). Ah! Proof of my awesomeness: I had surprised the kid!

No-one expected a summon to transform into an human, although most of them just lacked the will.

"I trained," I explained as I patted myself distractedly, to make sure I had all the right parts. "I won't fail twice. Wings are great but there are so many things I can do with hands and arms… like a hug. Want one?" When he didn't answer after a few seconds, I opened my arms. " _I_ want one. Give me a hug."

Iceman slowly relaxed and leaned towards me, as if he was expecting me to be an illusion which would disappear to a hard touch.

I hugged him a little clumsily at first, just long enough for me to remember how a hug was supposed to feel like, not too tight, just a comforting touch; not too long either or he'd become uncomfortable. I withdrew, but I pet his hair, unbothered by his stare. "Don't you ever forget that I care, okay? Because I'll be really really pissed otherwise."

A soft chuckle made its way past Itachi's lips, stretching them briefly. He closed his eyes and leaned forward, until his forehead touched my shoulder. His hand grasped my wrist, gently, just to hold onto me. "You shouldn't," he breathed.

His voice was so raw with sadness and loneliness that the anger left me. Only the fondness stayed. "That's not for you to decide, Itachi. I care for you and I won't let you pull that bullshit about being killed by your brother or whatever because that's not the way for any of you to be happy and safe, and that's what you deserve and that's what you'll get. You're going to take better care of yourself and we're going to make this right. End of discussion."

"How?"

"First, there is a reason you called me. What was it?"

He pinched his lips. "I have to send a report to the Hokage. It has to be discreet."

"As I thought. So, I'll go to Konoha. Name one of your old comrades you trust with your secret."

"Tsukiyo, no."

"Tsukiyo, yes," I responded with a glare. "I'm not letting you carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, Itachi. No self-sacrificing bullshit and all that. You're going to have support, I'm making sure of it. Give me a name or I'll choose myself."

"It's too dangerous to involve anyone."

"Then choose someone strong enough to deal with it."

We stared at each other until Itachi finally admitted his defeat and sighed: "You know there is only one person that can be."

I beamed. "Yeah!"

o

It was strange to walk along Konoha's streets.

First, of course, there was the fact that I was walking instead of flying. That jutsu really was my masterpiece, even if I missed flying when I was in human shape.

Then, there was the fact that no matter how much I looked around, the Uchiha's symbol had disappeared. It was wrong.

The lack of police force was noticeable. I am sure the shinobi forces did their best to compensate but how could they replace a whole clan in so little time? Danzou was a delusional idiot for thinking that cutting Konoha's left hand was good for the village.

It took me several hours to find the man I was looking for. I was lucky he wasn't out on a mission, I supposed.

He was leaving a shop with a bag of groceries in one hand and a book raised in front of him in the other.

I followed him from afar. I wasn't trying to be undetectable, just discreet enough that any shinobi looking wouldn't realize what I was doing. Hatake Kakashi would barely need a few minutes to notice.

That was proven when he walked into a side alley. Here was a trap for me! I walked after him nonetheless, unsurprised when I found the alley empty.

I was suddenly pushed deeper into the shadows, a blade at my throat.

"Why are you following me?" Kakashi breathed in my ear.

His Killing Intent was surrounding me in a threatening fog. It was low enough that a civilian would be shaking and a trained ninja (or animal ninja, like me) would simply be wary. I supposed my tail had been so obvious that I didn't register as a serious threat. Good.

I shivered once and leaned a hand against the wall to steady myself. "I need to speak to you," I whispered. With my raised hand, I made a few hand signs I had memorized from Itachi's missions: 'friendly', 'intel', 'confidential'. I knew them because they had been shown to me, but I never had to make them before (wings, not hands, remember?) as such I was slow and clumsy.

"Who are you?" He asked, his KI diminishing.

"That hurts, favorite human of mine. Don't you recognize me?" I teased him, feeling better without his menacing aura. "My name is Tsukiyo."

I could feel him stiffen and lean forward. I heard him sniff at my neck and stopped the smart-ass comment that was on the tip of my tongue.

"Henge?" He muttered before saying: "Is that supposed to make me trust you? I know who you are loyal to."

"That's what I want to talk to you about. He's not your enemy."

Kakashi snorted and whispered in my ear. "That sounds like a fascinating story, Tsukiyo-chan. I'm eager to hear it."

The blade at my throat withdrew. An arm gripped my waist. A second later I was dragged into a shunshin. If he wasn't holding me up, I'd have stumbled and fallen to my knees. The disorientation was even worse in an human body, it seemed.

"Stupid body flicker," I mumbled before collecting myself and looking around.

Kakashi pushed me in an empty and nondescript room, closed the door behind us and sealed it. His groceries had disappeared somewhere along the way. "Remove the henge," he ordered. There wasn't any of the humor I was familiar with. He was all business and command.

I did as he asked. Annoyed to find myself at his feet now that I had shrunk, I flew to the nearest windowsill to be a little closer to his eye level.

"It's a long, complex and very confidential story. You're not supposed to know it, but I convinced Itachi that he needed to trust someone else than the Hokage with it so… listen carefully and don't interrupt me, or else I might cry a little if you give me the opportunity to."

Kakashi listened and never interrupted. Once I had finished, he rubbed the edge of his mask and asked: "Let's admit I believe you, what do you… what does Itachi need from me?"

"Keep an eye on Sasuke. Watch out for Danzou. And when the time comes, have Itachi's back."

"And what do I get from it?"

"You'll be the most informed individual after the Hokage. Plus, you get visits from yours truly to brighten your life! I know, I know, that's priceless."

"Maa, I don't know… I might need to take a better look at you."

I transformed back into an human and hopped toward him.

Before I could say anything, he snorted. "You move like a bird, hopping around."

I gawked at him. "Excuse me! I'm the most elegant lady you have ever seen, that's what you were trying to say, right?"

It only made him laugh harder.

I hit his forearm and let out a grunt.

Great. This cooperation was going to be fun!


	4. Bonus: Alternate Version continuation

_This is for those of you who wanted more Tsukiyo/Kakashi and in particular for **Mew-Star-Mew** and her prompt: "What if Tsukiyo was stuck as a human for a while?" I hope this will satisfy your interest. :3  
_

 _ ** _IMPORTANT: This is in the same universe than the previous bonus._**_ _ ** _ ** _Shisui died and Itachi joined Akatsuki.  
_**_**_

* * *

After years of covert operations, I had gotten quite good at locating Kakashi in Konoha, and he had gotten used to me coming out of nowhere to walk by his side.

"Yo," he greeted me without looking away from his book.

"Hi," I replied, distracted. "Say, you have some knowledge of fuuinjutsu, right?"

"Why?"

"I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

"In this form. I'm stuck in this form," I hissed, glaring at him for being so slow. I glowered at the rest of the world too, just because people had clearly decided to piss me off today. It was a conspiracy!

"How did you manage that?" He asked curiously, finally glancing at me.

I grunted and looked around pointedly. It's not like I could talk freely where anyone could hear us. I made a really great human (I wondered why), and no-one suspected me when I was alone, but the Copy Ninja Kakashi talking to a woman tended to attract attention for some reason.

"I'll be there in five," he offered, looking back at his book.

"Don't make me wait or your neighbors will get noisy _again,_ and I'm certainly not in the mood to play the ditzy groupie, I'd rather peck some eyeballs," I murmured before leaving to find my way to his apartment.

Somehow, I must have convinced him of the seriousness of the situation (or of my willingness to maim his neighbors), because he was here right on time to let me inside his flat without anyone to gawk at us.

"So?" He asked.

"This is the Swirly Orange fault, for sure," I ranted. "I bet this is his petty revenge because I pissed him off — he's so touchy, I just defecated on him once or twice at most, he deserves so much worse. I felt a seal activate on my back when I took human shape after my meeting with the Hokage. I hadn't noticed anything before. Since it activated I can't use chakra, whether to change back or unsummon myself or anything else. I'm powerless. Do something, it's creeping me out!" I was gesticulating wildly. This truly freaked me out, and I had only managed to bottle up my panic until now.

Kakashi rested a hand on my shoulder, pressing down gently. "Easy. Show me."

"Of course," I muttered, immediately working on undoing my obi and yukata. I always appeared in the same clothes when I took human shape. In theory, a yukata fit most cultures and situations in this world, but it was only practical when you didn't need to put it on or remove it. I grumbled at the obi and didn't notice the way Kakashi quickly moved behind me, out of sight, when the fabric slid down and revealed some cleavage. "I need to find better clothes, this is too troublesome," I concluded when I had finally undone the obi and let the yukata pool around my elbows and waist. I glanced over my shoulder to see Kakashi eying my back. "What do you think?"

"It's a chakra restraining seal, similar to those used in ANBU or Torture and Interrogation, with some modifications."

"Like what?"

"What bothers me the most is that it's on your _skin_. It's not supposed to be applied on the skin directly, but on paper glued to the skin to remove it without risk. Seals on the skin are supposed to be for life."

I raised my hands (as much as I could, encumbered by the yukata sleeves) to the ceiling in despair. "If I'm stuck like this indefinitely, I swear to Kami I'll peck this asshole's eyeballs out. Sharingan is such a big deal that it must be some kind of delicacy, right?"

"Don't test it on me, that's all I request," Kakashi replied, deadpan. He gestured toward his bed. "Sit down. Let me find my notes on fuuinjutsu."

I complied obediently, feeling really dejected by the situation. For once, I couldn't even blame this on the Trouble Twins: Itachi had tried to convince me to stop antagonizing Tobi/Madara/Obito, but I hadn't listened. That guy pissed me off even more easily than Danzou. If there wasn't the stupid orange mask in the way, I would have clawed his face out years ago. Covering him with guano was the next best thing.

"When did he even had the occasion to put this seal on me?" I muttered. "This is creepy as fuck."

"How long do you have before you're out of chakra?" Kakashi asked as he came back from his bookcase with two scrolls in hand. He was intently staring at them although they weren't open, until he sat behind me to study my back.

"I don't know. Itachi gave me a lot so I could reach Konoha despite any eventual setbacks, so... days." I waved a sleeve-covered hand around. "Three, maybe? Or more since I can't do anything at all with it, not even climbing walls. Wait. Do you think this seal is gonna stop me from going back?"

"It shouldn't. It only stops active use of your chakra, while the end of a summoning is passive and independant of your will."

"Oh, good."

"But it might not put an end to the seal's effectiveness, in which case you'll be stuck in human shape and without access to your chakra even when you'll go back to the Karasu's realm."

I tried to imagine that and immediately was assaulted by thousands of curious crows without any possibility to avoid them because I couldn't fly nor use chakra. What a nightmare. And then, when Itachi would summon me again, it might be in a dangerous situation and I would be powerless to help him and defend myself. "Oh, not good. But that won't happen because you're gonna remove it, right?" I said hopefully.

"I'm no fuuinjutsu master, Tsukiyo-chan."

I turned around and pulled him forward by his vest until our faces were nearly touching. "You are the Yondaime's student and one of the smartest humans of this age. _You_ are going to solve this."

"Or what?" he breathed, his visible eye half-closed in indolence.

"Or… or nothing! Or you won't get a reward."

"And what would be my reward?" he asked, leaning closer and tilting his head so his nose brushed my cheek.

I shivered unconsciously at the contact and blinked in bewilderment. "What do you want? Almonds?"

He chuckled and moved back. I had the strange feeling that I had given the wrong answer. Without looking down, he pulled on my yukata to cover my chest. It wasn't very comfortable. I adjusted my clothes.

"Why don't we make a deal?" Kakashi said casually. "I'll do my utmost to help you if you answer truthfully one question."

"Sure. I mean, if I can. Is this a trap? I'm not telling you Itachi's secrets," I warned him, squinting suspiciously.

"Nothing to do with Itachi."

"Alright then, bring it on. Let's get this over with so you can solve this and I can claw the Swirly Asshole's face—"

"How are you so human?"

"What?" I frowned. That didn't make any sense. Kakashi knew why I was in human form. Was he getting senile or something?

"Why is your behavior so human? Why do you know so much about being human?"

"Oh." Never mind. Apparently, he was the opposite of senile. Smartest human of his age, indeed. Damn it; couldn't he have selective stupidity or something? "You won't believe me."

"Try me."

I hesitated, bobbing my head as I thought this through. It's not like I had much choice, right? "Fine," I hissed finally. "This is my second life, I have been reincarnated as a crow, but I was human during my first life. I forgot most of the specific personal stuff but not the general cultural rules." I waited expectantly for his reaction, but there was none. He was staring at me impassively. Clearly he didn't believe me. I pointed at his nose vindictively. "See! I told you that you wouldn't believe me! But it's the truth nonetheless, and I fulfilled my part of the deal so no going back on it! It's your turn. Rid me of this stupid seal!"

"Do you feel more crow or more human?"

I squinted. What was going on with all the hard questions? "Well… It depends, I guess. Years ago I was 60% crow, but the more I have to play mother hen for troublesome humans, the more I have to remember about being human, so I'm probably leaning toward 40% crow nowadays. But then there is the whole 'stuck into human form' drama who might push it around 25% crow… I mean, what a weird question. How am I supposed to quantify that?"

He laughed. It was a soft sound as he bent forward and pressed a fist to his mouth to stifle it. It went for so long that I had no other choice than to punch him in the shoulder (It was for his own good, your honor!). When he took the hit without reacting, I poked him insistently.

"What? Are you mocking me?! I swear to all kami that I'll demote you to least favorite human of mine and go find the Sandaime and his commander if you don't stop—"

He grabbed my hand and pulled until I nearly fell into his lap. "So... your previous life, how was it?"

I squinted, suspicious. "Are you pulling my leg or do you truly believe me?"

"Maa, I believe you," he replied, tapping my chin. "It makes more sense than some other things I thought about."

"Seriously? You must have some good imagination to think about something crazier than that."

"Years of ANBU and paranoia help."

"Right," I drawled. "My life was pretty peaceful. It was a good life without troublesome people."

"So: civilian, middle class and boring."

"Fuck you! ... That's absolutely right." Our eyes met. We shared a grin.

"Does Itachi know?"

"No. He has enough to worry about. He doesn't nose around my life, contrary to a certain someone." I poked him in the chest. "What made you so curious? Did I really behave so differently than other summons?"

"Maa… Call it instinct."

"If you say so," I murmured, doubtful. But there were more important matters. "Anyway, thanks for letting me stay here! What do you have to eat? Any almonds?" I jumped on my feet and skittered toward the kitchen.

He beat me there and grabbed me by the waist to stop me from reaching the cupboard, lifting me high enough to get my feet off the ground. "Don't go around making a mess now."

"Who? Me? Never!" I stared at him with the most innocent face I could manage, trying my hand at puppy eyes while I was at it (I had observed Pakkun a few times, for strategical purposes). "So… no almonds?"

He sighed. "You and almonds… Those are highly caloric, you know?"

"But they're _good_."

"I have trail mix."

"That will do."

A few minutes later, I was sitting on a kitchen counter while Kakashi went through his scrolls on fuuinjutsu at the table. I took nuts and dried fruits from a bowl, one by one, playing with it for a while before putting it in my mouth and savoring it. No-one could accuse me of eating too fast.

I raised my bare feet in the air, swinging them distractedly. "So, by the way, how is Broody?"

"Currently? Probably cursing his jounin-sensei."

I froze with a foot up and a hazelnut on the tip of my noise. In the next second, the hazelnut was eaten, and I was leaning on Kakashi's back with my forearms resting on his shoulders. "It happened! He's finally a genin, isn't he? And you're his sensei, aren't you?"

"How did you guess?"

"Please, it's predictable," I pointed out, tilting my head and meeting his eye in a mutual side look. "Last Sharingan in town and all that. So, does he hate you a little or a lot?"

"The former for now, but give him time," Kakashi drawled as he turned back to his studies.

I laughed and went to sit next to him. "So, tell me everything I can report to Trouble. Who else has to suffer by your hand?"

"Uzumaki Naruto and Haruno Sakura."

"Poor souls, having a sensei who has no idea what to do with them."

"I planned to fatten them until they're ready to be cooked. Isn't that how it works?"

"Don't ask me: I'm not a big meat eater," I jumped to my feet and grabbed him by the hand. "Come on, let's go to the library."

"Why?"

"Because you aren't getting anywhere with those scrolls and I need to find you something more than fairy tales to guide you on the Way of Wise Sensei," I explained with extravagant gestures. "Trouble will look at me with that disappointed stare of him if I tell him we joked about eating Broody."

"He has a disappointed expression?" Kakashi asked as he stood up without protesting.

"I'm fluent in his microexpressions, so yes actually, he does, and the guilt trip gets to me _every single time_. It's horrible!" I retraced my steps to pour the trail mix into a hidden pocket of my obi, completely ignoring Kakashi's judgemental stare as I nibbled on my snack on the way out of his apartment.

An hour later, in the library, I was leafing through psychology books, kneeling on the ground in (a very lazy and improper) seiza, while Kakashi was sitting at a table nearby, surrounded by fuuinjutsu nonsense.

I vaguely heard my name being called and hummed questioningly.

"We have company," Kakashi said.

I glanced to the side and finally noticed the three men standing between the shelves. "Oh. Hi Hokage-sama, Nara-san, Blondie-san."

The Sandaime squinted at me like he was trying to see through an illusion. "Tsukiyo-san?"

I waved my fingers and smiled before pointing to myself from top to bottom. "Don't mind the garb. I'm stuck."

"Stuck?"

I hummed in answer. "Kakashi is working on it." I looked back to the book I was holding before throwing it into the growing pile by my side. "I hope you have better luck than I do, Favorite of Mine, because this is pathetic."

"What did those books did to you?" Kakashi sighed.

"They are trash. They should be burnt. I'll even do it for you if you want, to cleanse my eyes from the bullshit I read."

"I would rather you didn't," the Sandaime said, crossing his hands behind his back.

"If you insist. You could still use it as chock, I guess."

"What do you have against them?" The unknown blond man asked as he stepped forward and looked at the pile of rubbish I had put to the side. "Those are prized books in my field."

"Are you kidding me?" I judged him silently with a side-eye. "You're in psychology? Well, let me tell you, buddy, you seriously need to revamp your research. What is that?!" I pointed at the shelves of psychology books. "Tons of bullshit about fear, torture and interrogation methods. Three measly publications about trauma, like, seriously, three?!" I shook the thin books in disgust. "And they are so wrong on so many levels! No wonder that you, shinobi, are all out of your mind! Then there is this…" I grabbed the rest of the books I had gone through and threw them in the air. "Those are your works on educational psychology and pedagogy — if that word even exists in your world. All about conditioning and intelligence tests! Basically? Worthless! How am I supposed to teach Kakashi to be a decent sensei when your education system is so far from decent that the only thing you have to offer is _conditioning_? Who do you take your children for? Pavlov dogs?!"

"Who's _Pavloff_?" Kakashi asked curiously, mangling the foreign name.

"Irrelevant. Don't take this as an invitation to train kids like dogs, Kakashi. No. _Bad_ idea, bad sensei," I replied, pointing at him, before looking up at the man with creepy blue eyes. "Aren't you at peace now? You seriously need to review your priorities, dude! Like, _right now_."

"My name is Yamanako Inoichi, not dude," he replied with a hint of annoyance.

I perked up. "Oh, you're the mind reading clan, aren't you? You must have a private library. Is it better than this one? Tell me it is."

"… As you said, our library is _private_."

"That's fine, you can allow me to go inside, just like Kakashi did with your private ninja library, right?" I stood up gracefully, ignoring the way Kakashi cleared his throat.

"Kakashi-san _shouldn't have_ ," Inoichi grumbled before pointing out the mess at our feet, "and I don't trust you anywhere near our books considering the way you treated those."

"Those are no more than papers covered in ink and binded together. I'm doing you all a favor by sorting—" A book appeared in front of me, held out by the Sandaime who had left for a minute while I ranted. "What's that?" I accepted it and opened it distractedly. "I just want a decent book about being a sensei for a genin team, Inoichi-san. I didn't think it was too much to ask and— Oh, wait… that's not completely bullshit." I shut up to focus on the book I was leafing through. After a few seconds, I bounced toward Kakashi. "Favorite of Mine, this one is good! You might not end up being the worst sensei of all time after all! Who wrote this? I have to kiss him!" I closed the book to read the cover while Kakashi glanced over my arm. "Who is Sarutobi Hiruzen?"

Kakashi looked at me, unimpressed, and drawled: "Oh, just the Sandaime."

I blinked then spun around and bounced back toward the Hokage. I reached for his shoulders and leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "Bless you!"

The old man looked strangely flustered. He cleared his throat and replied: "I wrote it while I trained my own team. I hope it will be of use to you, Kakashi."

"I don't doubt it, Hokage-sama. Thank you."

"Why didn't I find it here?" I asked.

"All Hokage's works have their own shelf," Shikaku replied, speaking up for the first time. He had been staring at me from the start, probably figuring out the meaning of the universe as geniuses tended to do during their daydreaming. "Tsukiyo-san, how do you have such a decided opinion on psychology?"

"I have decided opinions on everything," I replied with a shrug. No-one needed to know that I had studied psychology in another life. I was just the spacy crow summon, nothing else to see, move along! "And it's not hard to see your priorities are wrong. Can I burn the books on psychological torture?"

"No," was the unanimous answer.

"You're no fun."

oOo

This evening, I came out of Kakashi's bathroom with one of his old yukata on, cursing the strange idea I had to give long hair to my human form. Once left out of the bun it was usually on, it stopped under my shoulder blades, and it had been hell to comb. I wasn't used to the whole 'esthetic before practicality' mentality anymore. I just wanted long hair because it made the bun looked bigger and cooler! _That_ was good. The rest? Not so much. I didn't have to care about my appearance as a crow! Grooming feathers was so much easier.

Also, this yukata was annoyingly big: it fell on my hands and feet, bared my shoulders and gaped at the chest, especially when the belt loosened.

I went to sit beside Kakashi on the single bed. He was lying down with an arm behind his head, reading the Sandaime's book intently.

"Are you learning from his mistakes?"

He hummed noncommittally.

Well, I was fine with being ignored if it meant he would be a less lousy sensei: it was for the greater good. I climbed and crawled over him to snuggle in the corner between the bed and the wall. Considering how small the mattress was, I could feel Kakashi's warmth at my back, we were touching.

"Who said you could sleep here?"

"Me," I replied before yawning. "Good night." I curled up in foetal position, trying to get used to the foreign sensation of falling asleep in this form. I managed.

In the morning, I woke up to find Kakashi in the same position I had last seen him. I blinked in wonder and poked at him. "Are you secretly undead and don't need to sleep?"

"Couldn't sleep. You snore."

"I do not!" I protested, raising on an elbow before thinking it through. "Wait, I don't when I'm a crow but maybe I do when I'm human. Do I? Are you serious or are you teasing?"

"Does it matter? It's not like you're planning to stay in this form, do you?"

"Did you find how to remove the seal?"

"I believe so."

I waited for him to elaborate, but he stayed quiet, eyes on his book. I poked him again, just to make sure he hadn't changed into ice.

"Do you prefer to be a crow or an human?" He asked. He hadn't turned a page since I had woken up.

I sighed and threw a leg over Kakashi to climb out of the bed. "Objectively speaking, I prefer to be a crow because it's much less complicated. _They_ don't ask me existential questions," I replied as I went to the bathroom.

When I came out of it a few minutes later, Kakashi was preparing breakfast in the kitchen.

I brushed my hair while I continued to answer: "But then, if I was so content being a crow, I wouldn't spend so much of my time running after a troublesome summoner, playing mother-hen and going beyond the call of duty, would I?" I pushed the heavy mass of keratin over my shoulder, sat on the table and put down the comb next to me. "Everything has advantages and flaws I guess. Humanity has too many rules, social conventions and moral norms. It gives me headaches."

Kakashi turned around to put dried mackerel and pickled vegetables on the table while the rice cooked and the miso soup heated up. He didn't meet my eyes.

"You should just kiss me instead of trying to figure out the morality of cross-species relationships, you know," I egged him on with raised eyebrows.

He finally looked up, his eye half-closed. "Maa, should I?"

"Oh, for Kami's sake," I sighed as I grabbed him by the belt and pulled him to me. " _Yes_."

"Are you _sure_?" He asked with just a hint of teasing. His mouth was so close that I could feel his breath through his mask.

"If you don't kiss me now," I murmured, looking up through my lashes, "I'll have to…"

"Yes?"

"I don't know, do something drastic! Like… talk to that green friend of you, even if it costs me a headache."

"How do you know about Gai?"

I raised my chin. "I know a lot. I'm a spy you know, I spy… things… people."

"Have you been watching me, Tsukiyo-chan? Maa, I didn't take you for a stalker," he whispered, leaning on the table with a hand, his nose nearly brushing my cheek.

"I'm not! I only stalk Broody and that's for very good, not creepy reasons, thank you very much! I just… might have witnessed a thing or two from your life when I waited for you to be free for our little talks, that's all."

"Like…?"

"Like that time when you had that swimming competition in the river? Great time. Thank you so much for the view."

"Mh… I don't think you deserve that kiss. Looks like you've been a bad girl," he said as he drew back.

I tried to hold him back, but he slipped out of my grasp like the slippery bastard he was. I immediately jumped on my feet and gave chase. "Are you kidding me?!"

We probably made a comical picture turning around the table like two kids, but damn if I wasn't tempted to jump over and strangle him. I was completely lost. Had I misinterpreted his behavior? I was pretty sure I didn't. That was flirting, right, what he was doing?! For Kami's sake, humans were so complicated about this! Karasu just said so when they were interested (and I told them no, subject over)!

I stopped and threw my arms in the air. "Oh, that's it. I'm done! Whatever! You're such a—"

The next second, he was kissing me. Pushed against the wall, I grabbed his vest as he tilted my head to his satisfaction. I closed my eyes in surprise and focused on the touch of his lips and the brush of his tongue. I couldn't remember ever kissing someone, but I quickly got the hang of it and pressed back.

"You were saying?" He whispered once our lips had separated and our respirations had calmed.

I gave him an unimpressed look. "Stupid human." Not even his pretty face finally bare could make up for his terrible personality.

"Your favorite."

"Unfortunately."

His forehead touched mine. "I know how to remove your seal, but I think I should do some more research before trying."

I hummed. "How long would it take you?"

"Probably one or two days more."

"I think I can live with that," I replied, slowly smiling.

"Excellent. Now, excuse me, I'm late for meeting with my cute little genin!"

"What? Wait, Kakashi!" Too late, he had already disappeared. I sighed and looked through the window at the cat walking along the gutter across the street. "Is it too late to change my mind? Sweet lords of destiny, why am I being haunted by such troublesome humans?"

Noise from the rice cooker was my only answer.

"The idiot left without eating breakfast…" I glanced at the food prepared for two and shrugged. "Only one thing left to do…"

Payback time!

oOo

"Honeeeey!" I screamed as shrilly as I could with those human vocal cords.

Kakashi tensed as his genin turned toward me in wonder.

"Darling, you left without your breakfast. That's not reasonable, you know. Big shinobi like you need their—"

He was beside me in a second and grabbed the boxes I was carrying while looming over me with a creepy eye-smile. "Thank you so much, Tsukiyo-chan. You may go now."

"What? You aren't going to introduce me to your team? But I want to meet your _cute little_ genin," I protested with big puppy eyes.

"Later maybe, but we're training right now."

"Are you? Is that why the pink girl was hitting the blond boy?"

"Sakura-chan has a temper," he said in a low voice.

"Anger issues you mean?" I murmured sarcastically. "Someone should tell her that hitting the kid on the head won't make him any smarter. He isn't a soap distributor."

"Sensei?" Sakura interrupted, maybe feeling we were talking about her. "Who is your friend?"

"Hi! I'm Tsukiyo, his girlfriend. It's nice to meet you!" I announced loudly, waving and smiling brightly.

"I should have know," Kakashi sighed quietly.

"Yes, you should have," I agreed in the same way.

"Sensei has a girlfriend?" Naruto was commenting, rubbing the back of his neck in wonder.

"How?!" Sakura hissed, hiding behind her hands and probably thinking she was discreet.

"An excellent question," I commented quietly for Kakashi's benefit.

He gave me an unimpressed glance and clapped his hands to get his students' attention. "Let's not get distract, team. You—"

"—should introduce yourselves, of course!" I finished, stepping forward.

Kakashi was going to learn not to leave me high and dry!

* * *

 _ **To be clear:** I might write some drabbles if my muse likes a prompt, so nice requests are always welcome, but I don't make any promise to write something you suggest. Unless you're willing to pay me for my time and work, go easy on the "I want this and that" attitude, thank you. _


	5. Bonus : Alternate Universe cont 2

_This new chapter has been brought to you thanks to the sweet **Willa** , who motivated me into getting this finished; and thanks are due to **Sage Thrasher** for beta-ing this._

 _It follows the precedent chapter in the Alternate Universe. For those wanting some Kisame interactions, here we go!  
_

* * *

Experience had taught me to always arrive in front of paranoid shinobi, even when it forced me to circle around them. It canceled the dramatic effect of surprise, but it avoided unfortunate encounters with sharp blades.

Kisame's blade, in particular, was not a favorite of mine. Stupid chakra stealer.

I landed on a branch high enough to be out of reach of Samehada and waved a wing to greet Kisame. He was sitting near a river, on guard duty while Itachi slept against a tree. I suppose they had just gotten into a fight because it was still early in the evening and Kisame looked a little sluggish, but there was no blood or other sign of confrontation. So, a relatively easy fight for them.

"Ah. It's you," Kisame grunted, before focusing on the water.

"What's that tone supposed to mean?" I grumbled.

"I can't differentiate between you crows, but you're the only one to do those silly wing moves."

"Excuse you, Shark Man. It's not silly! I'm being polite. Do you know what it means, politeness?" I huffed, shaking my body in indignation.

"Is that when I roast you for dinner to make you shut up?"

"There is something really wrong with you, Shark Man. In fact, there are a lot of things wrong with you, starting with your diet. So much meat isn't good for you. You need vegetables. Now, I know what you're going to say: vegetables are icky, blah blah blah, but you know, frying vegetables make them all much more palatable and—"

"Tsukiyo."

I glanced at the sleeping beauty awakening. "Ah, Itachi-kun. Did Kisame wake you up? Sorry about that, he can be so loud…"

"Wha—? You little shit! You're the one always chattering!"

"Such slander. I'm shocked, I'm hurt, I'm outraged," I said, folding a wing over my chest.

"Tsukiyo, enough," Itachi sighed, raising a graceful hand.

I dropped from my perch and landed on his forearm without missing a beat. "Did you eat your vegetables? Don't let Shark Man influence you and give you bad habits. You're still a growing boy and—" I shut up at the short spike of killing intent Itachi aimed my way.

A slight wince indicated Itachi's regret for losing his temper. He never lost his temper, especially with me (or should I say 'even with me'?).

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Itachi replied. "Report."

I ignored him. "You're lying. You can't lie to me Itachi-kun. That's fruitless. I can annoy you all night long. I won't be the first one to yield."

"He's sick." Kisame had stood up and come nearer but stayed a respectable distance away. "He refuses to admit it, but he's sick. You're his bossy summon, aren't you? Deal with it. I'm going to hunt for dinner." He stepped into the forest.

I shouted after him: "Bring back fruits and vegetables! Sick people need vitamins! Berries, Shark Man! Find berries!"

The curses sent my way weren't worth repeating. What a potty mouth.

I turned back toward Trouble Twin and sighed. "That won't do, Itachi-kun. You need to take better care of yourself."

"I was sleeping until you arrived," Itachi replied dryly (That's my boy! Snark could cure anything).

"On the ground? In this humid and cold weather? Yes, Itachi-kun, such great conditions. Hotel worthy, really. Three stars... out of a thousand ones," I replied just as dryly. "Now, what are your symptoms?"

As Itachi made a list, my heart sank. I had no doubt that this was the start of his famous illness. Pressed by more urgent matters, I had forgotten this would be an issue.

I wouldn't let this happen. One way or another, I wasn't going to let it become terminal. Crap, that probably meant I would have to deal with Tsunade and her bad temper... but who was I kidding? I would do anything for that kid. I was in so deep.

I sighed and jumped on the ground. A few seconds later, I was in human shape and kneeling beside Itachi. "Come here," I whispered. "You need to stay warm."

"That's not necessary, Tsukiyo."

"Would you stop fighting me?" I grumbled as I pulled him into my arms. "You don't need to pretend you're an evil unemotional asshole with me, you know that."

"But Kisame…"

"... will get in line, because sick or not you can still kick his ass with your little finger. And he likes you."

"... Does he?"

"He's a big softie… like… really really deep inside."

When Kisame the softie came back half an hour later, he froze as he noticed me (human-me) cuddling with his partner. "What the hell—"

"Did you get berries?" I interrupted him.

"You…?! How?! How did you become so hot?"

"Now is not the time for flirting, Blue. Berries please." I raised a hand and an eyebrow expectantly.

He stayed motionless for a moment before starting to chuckle. "Oh, I like you."

"I know, I know, breasts do wonders for the disposition of men, but let's stay focused."

Still chuckling, he came forward and crouched beside us. At my expectant face, he raised a square of fabric which he unfolded, showing a decent harvest of raspberries and blackberries.

I rewarded him with a smile. "Now, that's what I'm talking about."

oOo

I was very self-aware, so I had no qualm saying I was being an idiot when I tried to compete with Kakashi in a silent game. He was like… the Mute Scarecrow of Sarcasm while I was the Chatty Ball of Sarcasm. Silence? Totally not my forte! Just a waste of time, really.

Giving up on that silly concept, I leaned forward on my perch — Kakashi's lap, very warm, a little too firm for comfort — and pushed Kakashi's book away. When he didn't look away from it nonetheless, I ended up laying flat on his chest (should I specify I was in human form?), propping up my head with my hand. "I need a favor," I admitted after a minute of just showing up and invading his personal space.

He was lying on the grass in one of his favorite reading spots (yes, I was a stalker and I knew most of them), under a tree between the Memorial Stone and the river. With an arm under his head as a pillow, slightly propped up against the trunk, he looked so comfortable that I had invited myself without a greeting. He hadn't even blinked when I settled on his lap, so he had definitely been aware of my presence since I had changed in human shape in the tree.

He hummed questioningly.

"I need to convince the Hokage to tell me where Senju Tsunade is and how to bribe her so she can help Itachi."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow but didn't react otherwise. "I fail to see how that includes me."

"I need you to help me convince the Hokage. He'll listen to you, whereas I'm just the chatty and brash summon."

"And why should I help you?"

"Because Itachi is dying. Chronic illness, deadly in five to ten years. I know you have reservations about the kid, but Sage helps me, Kakashi, I'm not losing him, not this one, not again, so just tell me what you want! I'd do anything…"

"Ok." He met my eyes for the first time, serious and calm.

I slumped in relief at his acceptance and nestled my face against his neck.

After a second of hesitation, he gently patted the back of my head. "Now, now, why do you make it sound like I'm heartless, Tsukiyo-chan?" he teased, probably to cheer me up.

"Because you like to annoy me," I grumbled.

"Because you make it funny," he pointed out before kissing my cheek with his masked lips.

"I'm not funny," I protested, tilting my head to follow his lips for a proper kiss.

"You are hilarious, actually," he replied before pulling on his mask and giving me that kiss. It was soft and slow. It felt like a 'welcome back' and an 'I missed you' all in one. A light bite on my bottom lip at the end added an 'even if you drive me crazy' to the message.

Distracted, I needed a few seconds to remember where we were in the conversation and asked: "More than the green menace you call a friend?"

"You're in completely different categories." He straightened in a sitting position, causing me to fall back on his lap. His eyebrow tilted in a more serious expression. "Now, what's this chronic illness you were talking about?"

I huffed. "Do I look like a specialist in human biology?"

He caught my chin between his fingers and caressed my cheek with his thumb. "What are his symptoms?"

I listed them and tried to hide my worry, but he was solemn when I finished. He continued caressing my cheek and looking at me, so much so that I became self-conscious. "What?" I mumbled with an annoyed pout. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

"Maa," he breathed before eye-smiling. "Just thinking that Itachi is lucky to have you, that's all."

I raised my chin proudly. "Obviously. I'm a gift to humanity."

He leaned forward, his lips brushing mine as he murmured "I agree" before kissing me. This kiss was longer, more intense, like a conquest and a declaration. There was an intent behind this that I couldn't fathom. For once, I went along, submitting. I was left a little flustered when he withdrew and adjusted his mask once again. I pushed a few strands behind my ears and blinked owlishly.

"Shall we go meet the Hokage?" he asked, suddenly chipper and nonchalant.

Why did I have a special fondness for the most annoying humans? Just… why did I do this to myself?

Fifteen minutes later, as we were waiting to see the Sandaime, I was staring at the ceiling and still asking myself this question. I was perfectly fine before all this summoning crap, just eating, flying and not caring about humans' problems and rules.

"Tsukiyo-chan."

I hummed questioningly at Kakashi's call.

"You're bothering the assistants."

I glanced toward the secretaries' desk who pointedly looked down to avoid my eyes. I didn't see what the problem was. So what if I was pacing in the waiting room, waving my arms around and making my kimono's sleeves flap? They clearly never had to deal with a giant tree full of cawing crows.

"I don't like doing nothing," I replied, spinning around (those long sleeves were fun to play with, I was so smart to have chosen to dress like this!). "If I had something to eat, I would sit down. Nothing to eat: nothing to do, so I'm bored."

Immediately, snacks were thrown my way from three different directions. I grabbed Kakashi's trail mix, the assistants' chocolates and the bodyguards' ration out of the air before cradling them in my arms with a grin. Wow, I'd have never thought it was so easy to get free food from humans! "Thanks!" I went to sit beside Kakashi with small careful steps (the skirt restrained movement though, that was annoying) and unwrapped the chocolate eagerly. "Ooh, I haven't had chocolate in ages. Is it good? I don't remember which I prefer." I chewed slowly, savoring the taste before wincing. "Urgh. That's bitter."

Kakashi raised an open palm without looking away from his book. I handed over the rest of chocolate and pounced on the trail mix.

We sat for a few more minutes, eating slowly (hidden by his book in Kakashi's case) and silently. I was tapping my feet against the ground noiselessly because people giving me food had earned a minimum of consideration.

When finally the door opened, letting the Jounin Commander out, I jumped on my feet and pattered toward the Hokage's office. Kakashi caught me before I could make it and grasped me by the waist, pulling me against him in a smooth move.

"No. Bad," he chided me.

I pouted. Humans were so complicated.

Shikaku had stopped when he caught sight of me. He glanced at Kakashi, then me again, and shook his head before walking away. "I don't want to know."

"Did Inoichi-san improve the psychology research projects?" I shouted at his back.

Kakashi pushed me toward the door (he should make up his mind). "Now, Tsukiyo-chan, let's not bother the Jounin Commander…"

"Bother? I'm doing this for the good of your damn village and you crazy shinobi," I protested, crossing my arms in annoyance as I stepped into the office. "You need psychotherapy and mandatory pedagogy lessons for jounin-sensei, fast."

"Do we? Is this the subject of our meeting?" the Sandaime asked, lifting his pipe to his lips.

"No, but I'm willing to rant about it for hours if you give me a captive audience. Like, if you're annoyed with your specialists in psychology — and you should be, because their work is subpar — send them to me, I'll set them straight," I offered with passionate hand gestures.

The Hokage chuckled. "Duly noted. Now, what can I do for you, Tsukiyo-chan? Your debriefing isn't due for another month."

I was going to answer when Kakashi stepped forward after closing the door, clearing his throat pointedly. I gestured for him to speak since this was the plan.

His explanation of Itachi's situation and the need for Tsunade's intervention was perfectly professional. I had to press my hands together and curl my toes to not fidget and chime in when the Sandaime stayed impassive.

"While I sympathize, I can't promise you Tsunade will cooperate," he said.

"I'll take care of that," I replied quickly. "Just tell me where she is. I'll convince her." Bribe, manipulation, guilt-tripping, blackmail… I would find a way. Failure wasn't an option.

"She's always on the move. What makes you think that I know where she will be?" the Hokage asked curiously.

"Chapter 3 of your guide to being a jounin-sensei, rule four: always know where your students are at all times," Kakashi quoted. "Last chapter: the relationship between sensei and pupils may slowly dissolve with time, but the bond endures, and a sensei keeps watch."

"What he says," I added while giving Kakashi a thumbs up. My boyfriend had done his research and memorized it! So cool.

The Sandaime smiled. "I'm glad to see you took my teaching to heart, Kakashi… Very well. Niikata will hold its autumn festival in two weeks. Tsunade was always quite fond of it and rarely fails to attend."

"Niikata! Got it!" I repeated cheerfully before mouthing to Kakashi: "Where is that?"

"South-east of Fire Country, on the seaside."

"Oh, do they have beaches? I love sand beaches. Seagulls are annoying little shits, but otherwise, it's pretty cool."

"A port, no sand beach, lots of seagulls."

"Urgh, those are bad signs. If you never see me again, I'd have probably been eaten alive by the white beasts."

"A tragic death. I'll pray for your soul."

"Please do. I'll need it."

The Hokage cleared his throat and raised a judgmental eyebrow. "As entertaining as this is, you'll be able to resolve this issue with seagulls on site." At our lack of understanding, he explained: "While Tsunade stays away from Konoha, she knows about the accusations against Itachi. She'll not help you without a word from me delivered by a loyal Konoha shinobi..."

"Don't get me started about Itachi's loyalty to Konoha, Hokage-sama," I warned with squinted eyes.

"... officially recognized as such," he concluded without blinking, but I was sure he had added that for my benefit. "Kakashi, you'll go under the pretense of a C-rank mission with your team. Niikata always requests a security increase during their festival. You'll be on the squad sent. There, you'll liaise with Itachi and introduce him to Tsunade."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

oOo

"Hi," I chirped cheerfully as I landed on the table between Itachi and Kisame. They were peacefully eating cabbage and shrimp stir-fry (a mix of their favorites so everyone would be happy) at a quiet street food shop. "So, I have found you a doctor, Itachi-kun. I'll need you for one to two weeks to get you back on your feet," I explained as I stepped toward an empty space between them. "Kisame-san, can you cover for us? I'll bring you back some dried fishes and taiyaki… I mean, Itachi-kun will, since I don't have pockets or hands, but you get what I mean."

"Why can't I come with you?" Kisame protested.

"Oh, darling, I love you too, but unfortunately this doctor is super-secret stuff. That, and Itachi-kun would rather cough up a lung than show weakness in front of you, so, nope, you can't come."

"Tsukiyo-chan," Itachi murmured. His straw hat was tilted down, hiding his face from anyone who wasn't a crow sitting on the table. He looked tired, but not upset. "You're bothering our host."

I looked up and noticed the civilian cook staring at me with a gaping mouth. "Hi! Can I have some of that stir-fry too? Small portion. No salt or sauce necessary, thank you very much." When he didn't start on my order right away, I shake my wings in discontentment. "Itachi-kun, can you do that thing where they magically obey?"

"W-what?" the cook stuttered, finally getting back his ability to speak.

"She means paying," Itachi explained and held out a few coins. From the civilian's reaction, I'd say it was a lot more than a bowl's worth, probably to buy his silence and patience. I wouldn't know: this world's money was totally obscure to me.

Kisame chuckled. "Good one. Alright, fine, bird-brain, but you better follow up with those snacks."

"I'm always serious about snacks, Blue." The arrival of my stir-fry was the occasion to prove it, and I cheerfully pecked at the meal.

I stayed with Itachi the whole time before leaving for Niikata. I had managed to make him promise he would summon me each time I ran out of chakra by a counter promise of 'behaving' — whatever that meant (he had explained: less commentary, less bitching, less snarking… so, to summarize, less talking; I felt unappreciated, good snark was an art!).

Despite a bit of sulking after I swore to behave, I found out that traveling with those two was soothing. They were quiet, cooperated well and without much talking needed, and never made a fuss wherever they go. I simply wasn't used to it anymore, not after living on Ichouki (Karasu weren't quiet or calm). I ended up dozing on Itachi's shoulder more than once.

"You're strangely quiet, bird-brain. Did you catch Itachi-san's illness or something?" Kisame asked at dinner after a few days.

I yawned and slightly shook myself before blinking in his direction. "I'm acclimating. It's getting so cold, I think I'm ready to hibernate."

"You hibernate?" Kisame asked, frowning.

While Itachi pointed out: "Crows don't hibernate."

"Do I? Don't they? Why not? I think I should. I think bears have the right idea. Winter is so cold and boring." I yawned again. "Sleeping for months sounds good. I want to give it a try. Why can't I, just because I'm a crow? That's speciesist. I want the opportunity to hibernate."

"Yeah, no, she's fine," Kisame concluded while shaking his head.

"You shouldn't needle her," Itachi advised.

"It's morbid fascination, I think," Kisame replied with that nonchalant and quick-witted companionship they had. "How doesn't she drive you crazy?"

"Actually, my wiseness is all that maintains his sanity," I piped up.

Despite Kisame's scepticism, Itachi gently petted my head, and that was all the confirmation that mattered. Annoying I might be, but I was a permanent feature in his life, his confidant and his safeguard. I had stopped him from going too far once (traumatizing his little brother with genjutsu and all that 'become strong to avenge their parents' bullshit? nope, horrible plan, forget it), and he knew I would still do it. He relied on me, implicitly, to keep him sane. I was going to keep him safe too.

oOo

Niikata was a rich city, popular with well-off merchants for its casino and resorts. Its festival was a little upscale and, without surprise, Tsunade favored the events organized in the casino. We had gotten a tip she would be present there one evening in particular.

As we waited for the appropriate hour to come, I shifted uneasily beside Itachi on the roof giving us a good view of the district.

"Speak up, Tsukiyo-chan," Itachi said softly.

"What?"

"You have been fussing more and speaking less than usual. Something is on your mind. Speak."

I shook my wings in annoyance. We had left Kisame two days ago, and for two days I had been trying to find a good way to breach the sensitive subject. I hadn't realized I was so obvious, but then trying to be subtle wasn't particularly my forte.

"It's about Hatake Kakashi," I admitted finally. I might as well just blurt it out. That's how I did everything, and it had worked ok for me until now, after all… Right?

Itachi hummed, watching me patiently.

I looked him in the eye. "We are dating."

There were a few seconds of silence before he murmured softly: "Pardon?"

"Yeah, I know, I know. What is a gal like me doing with a guy like him, am I right? What can I say, we hit it off. Love goes beyond frontiers and all that shit." I shrugged. "Anyway. I thought I should warn you, in case he can't keep his hands to himself, you know."

"Tsukiyo-chan."

"Yes?"

"Please, don't say a word more."

"Ok."

He leaned back on the ground and stared at the clouds. His eyes seemed a little glazed. Uh. Probably the seagulls' screams getting at his sanity. The little demons were such loud beasts.

"Don't worry though. My heart is still yours," I clarified to comfort him.

His hand fell on my head and two elegant fingers closed my beak.

Rude.

oOo

The night had fallen when we stepped in the casino.

In human form, wearing a kimono a little more colorful than usual (red, gold and black, due to the seasonal theme and the evening of entertainment planned), I was bouncing on my toes in the lobby.

Itachi (disguised with shorter hair, a plainer face and a dark kimono) rested a hand on my forearm and gave me a look asking me to calm down. I pouted. I already had to stay put when he painted my nails red (to keep me still, he had admitted it without an ounce of shame). I wanted to move! Human bodies had so much more mobility than crows, it was a shame not to use it.

"Hello!"

I spun around and threw my arms around Kakashi's neck. He was disguised: his hair dyed brown, falling down around his face instead of defying gravity, his left eye covered by a white eye-patch (the standard medical kind) and his face unmasked but decorated with a few moles and a generous amount of freckles. He was wearing a black haori and silver hakama and looked quite dashing.

"Honey! You're late!" I squealed before kissing his cheek.

"Sorry, sweetheart. I got held up in the crowd." Kakashi pecked the corner of my lips before nodding at Itachi. "Brother-in-law…"

Since my human form looked like Mikoto, I was posing as Itachi's sister, and Kakashi was my fiancé. It was the jounin's idea, and I was perfectly fine with it. Itachi had lifted an eyebrow when I had first told him but hadn't commented. Now that he knew of our relationship though, his opinion was difficult to read.

I grabbed them both by the wrists and, with one on each side, I dragged them deeper inside. "Come on, let's get this show on the road," I murmured, "before the old hag gets too drunk to speak."

"So, brother-in-law, how is the life on the road treating you?" Kakashi asked casually.

"Well enough. How is the married life treating you?"

"Seriously?" I mumbled at their pseudo ambiguous conversation.

"Maa, your dear sister is a delight."

"I hadn't realized she would be to your tastes."

I gawked at Itachi. Rude again! Such an embarrassment. I couldn't take him anywhere. Fortunately, Tsunade wasn't really hard to find. I spot her at a roulette table, a cup of sake in hand and her apprentice carrying a little pig behind her.

"She's… an acquired taste," Kakashi replied sweetly.

"Oh for fuck's sake," I swore, "fine! If I'm the only mature individual in this place, then I guess it's on me to do all the work!"

Before they could anticipate my plan, I sat down at the roulette table, taking the only free seat and slamming on the table the chips I had… acquired on the way.

"Wait," Kakashi hissed.

I ignored him as the dealer called for bets. "Red."

Twenty minutes later, the three chips I had acquired had transformed into forty-eight. Tsunade had lost every single time… until now.

"Twenty-three, red, odd, high," the dealer announced.

I grinned. I had bet everything on an odd number, which gave me forty-eight more chips. Tsunade had turned pale. She had bet ten chips on twenty-three. She was winning thirty-five times her bet, enough to cover all her losses and more. She stood up abruptly.

"Tsukiyo-chan, that's enough," Itachi murmured.

I hummed in agreement and reached for my winnings, hiding them in my kimono without care.

Kakashi dragged me away behind Itachi and whispered: "Did you cheat? No-one wins five times in a row."

"Oh, didn't I tell you? Karasu are lucky little shits. It's genetic, to compensate for the problematic summoners, you see," I explained innocently.

He snorted, probably wondering if he should take me seriously or not (a common issue) but choosing to focus on the more urgent matter.

Tsunade was leaving with her apprentice in tow, spooked by her sudden win. However, she still took the time to get her chips exchanged for money at the counter. Itachi gestured for me to do the same. I started to pull chip after chip from my kimono. Tsunade had been much more organized (as expected of a regular). Waiting for her money, she watched me in morbid fascination as I added chip after chip to the growing pile in front of the baffled employee.

I patted my chest thoughtfully. "Wait. That's ninety-four. I'm missing two."

"Why did you put them there?" Tsunade finally blurted out.

"No pockets," I explained with a shrug, still pulling at the layers of fabric tugged tightly together. Having invented pockets and not putting them in every piece of clothes made was one of the greatest shames of humanity.

"Most women use their obi," Tsunade pointed out judgmentally.

"Oooh. That's smart," I cooed, wide-eyed, patting at my belt to find the last two chips. "And look! They were there." I grinned at the patient employee. "Here they are, my rightly deserved ninety-six chips. Please, take care of them."

Tsunade had turned her attention to the two disguised shinobi waiting for me, and I was pretty sure that they had been made. Still, for some reason, after she got her money, she waited until I had my own pouch of money cradled to my chest, staring at me thoughtfully. We left the counter. When we reached the exit door, she suggested: "You should entrust it to your friends."

"In their dreams! I did all the work! It's mine!" I protested, raising my chin and spreading my elbows in an effort to make me look bigger.

She chuckled. "I like you." The next second, her glowing hand was to my neck and her voice was icy as she stared at Itachi and Kakashi: "It won't stop me from killing you if you don't tell me immediately who you are."

"Rude," I blurted out.

Without a word, Kakashi showed his free hands and gestured at his pocket. When Tsunade nodded, he pulled out a scroll and slowly held it out. With a tilt of her head, Tsunade ordered Shizune, who had been hiding behind her until now, to take the scroll and read it.

"This is from Hokage-sama, shishou."

"About?"

"Medical help."

"For me," Itachi clarified.

Tsunade hummed and watched us one by one before pulling her hand back and taking the scroll. When she looked back up, she squinted at Itachi. "Let's go to my room."

She disappeared in the next breath.

I rolled my eyes to the sky. "Is this Rude Day? Someone could have warned me."

Itachi grabbed me by the waist. A moment later, I groaned in disgust as I leaned on the wall of a hotel hallway. "Stupid shinobi mojo."

Kakashi swiped me off my feet (what was I? a bag of almonds?!) and put me down inside the hotel room, closing the door behind us.

"Who are you?" Tsunade demanded immediately.

Kakashi and Itachi removed their disguises. I leaned forward, expecting an attack on my summoner, but Tsunade didn't react outwardly. She stared, however, for a long moment.

"I'm told the Hatake boy is escorting a loyal shinobi of Konoha… I don't know what this means, and I don't want to know. Political bullshit and obscure plots, no doubt. Get naked." She pointed to a futon with her chin.

"This day keeps getting ruder and ruder," I piped up. Although I was personally glad that begging and bargaining didn't seem necessary to convince Tsunade to help us. Maybe money and booze had put her in a good mood.

Tsunade frowned at me. "Who is she?"

"The girl who will give you all her earnings if you stop being rude," I replied before the men could.

"You think you can buy me? with so little?"

"Eh! I think you could buy some good sake with 'so little'. You know, if you're into that, which I'm not — I'm more of an almond girl myself — but to each their own," I babbled as I went to stand by Itachi's side and carefully folded the kimono he was removing. "Now, let's get back to the subject. Itachi is experiencing chronic fatigue, shortness of breath, sporadic thoracic pain and lowered chakra level. Fix him, please and thank you."

"Get out," Tsunade ordered as she stepped forward.

"Your rudeness is reaching peak level. I'm appalled."

Kakashi was next to me before I could complain more, and he pulled me toward the door. "Now, Tsukiyo-chan, let's leave Tsunade-sama to work in peace, shall we?"

The door closed behind us before I could answer, and we stood in the desert hallway. He held me close and didn't seem eager to let go. I looked up to assess his state of mind. He met my eyes and smiled softly before leaning forward and kissing the corner of my lips.

"Why don't we go wait on the roof?" he suggested in a whisper.

"It's cold outside."

"I'll keep you warm," he promised, leaning closer.

"... I'll hold you to that."

oOo

Kakashi sat with his back to a metal plate which had accumulated the sun's warmth, and I curled up in his lap. After the excitement of the evening, I was getting drowsy. I let my head fall on his shoulder and didn't protest when he rested his chin on my hair. With his arms around me, I was warm and comfy.

I dozed while he read.

Time passed before the silence was broken by Kakashi speaking up:

"Are you going to hover until sunrise?"

Pulled from dreams of being a human towering above all others, I hummed questioningly and opened my eyes.

Before I could ask what Kakashi was talking about, Itachi came out of the shadows. I blinked at him drowsily. He was staring at us strangely, like when he was startled by my stellar wisdom. Uh. Did I speak in my sleep?

"Decided yet?" Kakashi asked.

I straightened and rubbed my eyes, forgetting that Itachi had applied makeup and getting mascara smudged on the back of my hand. I stared at it with a displeased pout.

"It's not my place to comment," Itachi said.

"What are you talking about?" I piped up.

"About whether or not Itachi approves of us," Kakashi explained.

"Oh. Then, yeah, it's not his place." I tried to stand up, but due to the damn kimono restricting my movements, I gave up and held out my hands for Itachi to pull me up. Once upright, I immediately went for a hug. "What did she say?"

"Degenerative lung disease worsened by jutsu abuse."

"The cure?"

He stared at me quietly.

"If you tell me there aren't any, I'm going back to the drunk hag and convincing her to pull a miracle out of her fine bosom," I warned.

"I have medicine to slow the illness. A cure would necessitate monthly chakra treatment until remission."

I nodded. "Okay."

Itachi closed his eyes. "Tsukiyo-chan, that's not possible."

"Oh, it is," I replied calmly.

He met my eyes, and his lips parted to answer.

I pressed a finger to the tip of his nose to silence him. "Now, here is the plan: I'm going to go speak to Tsunade about how to find her every month; when we're back to base, I'll inform bossman that you'll take monthly leave for an undetermined time; and you'll take your medicine and get your precious self in time for your treatment every month. Failure to comply by any party will lead to daily harassment by a legion of very pissed and very determined Karasu," I explained before spreading my hands. "See? Very simple plan. Success guaranteed."

"Sounds like a good plan." Kakashi had stood up, and he looked at me with amusement.

"Please, senpai, don't encourage her," Itachi sighed. "Akatsuki's activities make it unlikely I'll be able to leave every month."

"Darling, when I'm done with them, every one of your charming comrades will push you out of the door every month in fear of my retaliation should you ever miss one appointment. You think I'm an acquired taste? You have never seen me at my worse."

oOo

Two weeks later, I was resting on Kakashi's shoulder (in crow form) as he sat in a tree, listening to me narrating proudly how I had forced S-class shinobi to submit to my mighty will:

"So, you have to imagine a cave full of crows, like on every available surface there was a crow of different size and shape, it was a work of art. And the bossman, he stared at his lair which slowly got covered in droppings, right, with his fancy marble face, and he said with this solemn voice: 'Itachi-san, you're excused from every meeting and mission coinciding with your medical appointments. Please, remove your beasts from the premises.'" I tried to imitate Pain's voice, but a karasu's vocal cords (don't ask me how that worked, it just did, alright?) weren't designed for the exercise, and I completely failed.

Kakashi chuckled lightly.

"So, Itachi stared at me, and I just said, like a boss, 'dismissed', and all the karasu flew out of the cave and back to Ichouki, our sacred gingko tree. Akatsuki had to abandon the cave due to the droppings and the fact that everyone around had noticed the thousands of crows swarming the place." I sighed in delight. "Everyone in Akatsuki now hates me deeply — except for Kisame who strangely thinks I'm hilarious now, but I think that's the boobs' effect. My life is complete."

Kakashi raised a hand and softly patted my head. I basked in his approval and rubbed my feathers against his mask (it was useful to clean up).

"Sensei?"

"Shit," I breathed, flying away from Kakashi's shoulder to take refuge on a higher branch.

"Sensei, we're done with our exercises. What should we do now?" Sakura asked from the ground, her teammates by her side.

"Maa, I suppose we should prepare for a mission. Is there something wrong with your neck, Sasuke?"

"I thought I saw a crow…"

"Probably just a magpie."

I held back a squawk of protest. How dare he compare me to those little thieves?! True, I didn't want Sasuke to see me in this form — he might recognize me even if it had been years and we had barely met once or two — but still!

I had such tolerance for humans. They were so lucky to have me, really.


End file.
